Tag: Wellness

Moving from Punishment to Compassion

Throughout my long journey of healing from depression, I have been learning about the things I need to change within myself. It’s been a challenging, immeasurably rewarding and highly educational experience. It has been a process that has taught me more about myself and about humanity than I could have learned in any other way. I have always been drawn to and moved by Philosophy (the love of wisdom) so this process is feeding a very deep need in me and I’m always wanting to learn more. I know without a doubt that this is where I was meant to be, on this path of learning, and it took depression to ultimately lead me here.

One of the reasons why it’s so challenging to learn about the things that I need to change is that I, like many others, have to contend with an inner (and sometimes outer) kneejerk defensive reaction that wants to protect myself from any kind of accusation of wrong doing. If something needs to change, there needs to be an understanding of what that is and why it needs to change. This is often where the defense mechanism kicks in and this defensive reaction has everything to do with having been immersed in a punishment oriented world for so long – one that breeds this defensiveness in so many of us. The defense is a means of avoiding punishment (a sort of survival instinct). Whether it’s physical, disciplinary punishment (my parents were big softies when it came to this actually) or more of a constant series of responses that indicate how underserving a person is who has ‘done wrong’, it’s a pattern underlying typical social behaviour in our world beginning from early childhood. It is both formal in some instances (reprimands/discipline of children or legal action/jail for adults) and informal in others (social shaming, exclusion and an endless nuanced form of passive aggression). It’s a pervasive pattern that becomes internalized. The continued internal self-punishment and admonishment supports the ongoing external version – that which we apply to others – often in the form of judgement.

On a personal level, when you disparage someone else in your own mind for doing something that is considered to be wrong, you are reinforcing that tendency to punish. This strengthens the punishment reaction so that it becomes alive and well in the mind. Unfortunately, this inner tendency towards punishment is most often directed at yourself because you are the person you live with 24hrs a day. This is really what’s behind the old standing piece of wisdom: ‘When you hurt others, you’re only hurting yourself’. As it turns out, this has merit.

Punishment is a deterrent to personal growth and most importantly to unconditional self-love, which is an imperative for well-being. Because of the anticipation of punishment, defensiveness is justified as ‘self-protection’. This act of self-protection can be mistaken for an act of self-love. It is not. The defense itself is actually based on a false assumption that we can only be loved or be worthy of love if/when we don’t ‘do wrong’ or that if we ‘do wrong things’, we’re not entitled to or deserving of love – even if temporarily. It’s such an old, familiar and damaging paradigm and tearing this down can be extremely liberating. It can be both a beginning and an end: the beginning of compassion and an end to suffering.

It has been a mandatory part of my healing and growth to exercise compassion with myself and with others. Compassion is something that I have learned to nurture within. At times it’s utterly inspired and I am at peace. At others, it takes a supreme effort and I have to remind myself of the wisdom of this approach and of its constant rewards. The rewards of compassion are very clear. If I create an atmosphere in my mind of compassion, I give myself more opportunities to grow and change for the better. In an atmosphere of compassion, I have every incentive to do this because I’m no longer wasting energy defending myself and living in fear of punishment. If I’m treating myself and others with compassion and benefiting from it, I am cultivating an atmosphere of compassion all around me. This is the real revolution. Moving away from punishment and towards compassion is a revolutionary act. In fact, it might be more appropriate to term it an evolutionary act. I believe that we are growing out of this punishment phase of humanity.

Despite popular belief, punishment doesn’t work – not even formally. There have been numerous studies to support this fact and overwhelming evidence. Incarceration and corporal punishment have not reduced crime. In fact crime has only increased steadily and incarceration facilities are growing. Punishment is not effective in bringing about positive change because it only motivates people to avoid punishment rather than to consider for themselves why deep personal change might be necessary and how it might benefit them.

My path of intentional, personal growth began with Shamanism, an ancient practice of healing which for me has involved using many tools & medicines including Ayahuasca and always guided by a higher form of consciousness. There are many ways to access a higher form of consciousness. Some do this through meditation. For me, Shamanism has involved a form of meditation that we call journeying. Whatever name we put on it, this experience can be very liberating. I needed to be liberated from my way of thinking and this liberation has been an instrumental part of my healing. One of the main concepts introduced early in my Shamanic practice was the idea of ‘self service’. If I was to heal and grow, I needed to make changes. This meant dropping behaviour that ‘no longer served me’. In this phrase you may detect a distinct lack of judgement. There’s not the heaviness of ‘wrong doing’ associated with behaviour. It’s quite simply not in my best interest to do these things and therefore it makes sense that I stop doing them. Our judgemental attachment to so-called ‘wrong doing’ is what leads to so much more ‘wrong doing’, which is really just illness – hence the constant reference in Shamanism to ‘healing’ and ‘medicine’.

My experience of healing has helped me to see myself and to approach my life and the world in different ways. I continue to learn about what it means to be ill by learning and experiencing what it means to be well. When I have had difficulties of my own or with others, it helps to see that these difficulties are part of an illness that can be treated rather than an evil or bad behaviour. Once there is judgement, a heaviness is attached, and it becomes much more difficult for me to extricate myself from it. If I’m able to see it as illness, compassion is my response rather than judgement and this changes everything. Would we punish someone for being ill? Even formally, we have laws to protect the mentally ill from punishment. However, I think it’s time that we change the way that we define and perceive mental illness. A favourite quote comes to mind:

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society”

Jiddu Krishnamurti

The wellness and mindfulness movement is an indicator of this need for change and our desire to move forward in a different way. Those of us who have been forced to focus on wellness have discovered that this is not a quick fix. True wellness requires big changes in the ways that we think about and act towards ourselves and towards others. It requires effort and it requires compassion.

Once you begin to see the results of compassion, a form of love, you marvel at the power of it and how freeing it is. Mostly, you marvel at how good it feels and then you understand that there is an alternative to suffering. We have a choice in this and moving from punishment to compassion is a choice and a powerful step towards ending suffering.

Mastering the Mind

Ayahuasca has taught me many things and one of the main areas of both study and application of these lessons has involved the mind. This talk will provide you with some valuable insights and tools to help you master your mind!

Intentional Blends

Intentional blends are a unique, customized combination of 5 organic essential oils, blended in a carrier oil that is used to accompany and inspire daily intentions. The blend is applied to the crown, the forehead (3rd eye) and the heart centre while the intention is formed. This can be a powerful and enjoyable daily ritual that can help you live your life more intentionally. It can also be applied to the wrist or anywhere else you would normally use a fragrance.

For me, this ritual has changed the way that I approach each day. Instead of wondering what’s in store for me, I focus internally, where I can bring about the kind of changes that I intend to manifest around me. I do this while surrounding myself with the fragrance of plants which are much more powerful than we often realize. Please contact me directly if you would like me to make a custom intentional blend for you.

Testimonials:

“Love your blends. I have used them everyday since I got mine. Feel awesome and grounded. Recommend everyone to try them out. Specially as Rebecca Hayden makes them intuitively and they are specific to your currents needs. A must try if you are looking to improve your life! Thank you for making these awesome combinations!”  – Vinita Shaw

“Let me say that this represents a simple and meaningful ritual you can incorporate into your daily routine. That and each oil blend is created with you in mind. Happy to have found this!”  –  Lawrence Cotton

“An amazing product line from an awesome intuitive person! I love my intentional blend essential oil and apply it every morning as I set an intention. A great gift for yourself and friends.” – Guy Crittenden

The Story of Intentional Blends:

I created my first intentional blend when I returned from my Ayahuasca retreat in Peru. During my time among the Shipibo Maestras (Shamans), I was given a ‘pusanga’. This was a bottle of floral water that I used to create daily intentions. It is a tradition among the Shipibo people to dab this floral water on the crown (top of the head), the third eye (middle of the forehead just above the eyes) and the on the heart centre while creating an intention for the day. I took my Pasanga home but found that I didn’t like the fragrance. I created my own with the guidance of a presence that has become a part of my life since my experiences in Peru. I was provided with a list of 5 specific essential oils and the number of drops were specified as well. I used this until it was empty and then a brand new formula was given to me. Months later, a friend came to stay with me from out of town and while showering one morning, a list of 5 essential oils were given to me for her. I asked her if she’d like for me to make her this blend and she agreed. She loved the fragrance. I instructed her how to use it and months later, when she had used it all, a new list of oils was given to me for her and for many others.

Since then I have discovered that this ritual has been practiced throughout history by many different religions and cultures and it’s almost always considered to be sacred (relating to religion/spirituality and/or healing). “Anointing” it is called and it’s performed at the height of the coronation (the crowing of royalty) signifying the royal person’s direct connection to God. In various religions, high priests are anointed in this way. Anointing of one sort or another is performed in many religions worldwide. It was practiced by the Egyptians and other indigenous cultures including this ancient Shipibo tribe. The Christian tradition also uses 5 oils, which was a revelation to me as I had always wondered why there were always 5 notes/EOs designated for each blend. There is still a great deal of mystery surrounding all of this for me but I am at peace with the mystery. It leaves me open to learning more and allows me to remain in a state of wonder – which is something I never want to lose.

Of course essential oils have their own healing powers beyond the role they play in this particular ritual. However, the explanation that most closely resembles the one provided to me by the same source of these unique blends (involving frequency and vibration) is the following excerpt from a book by Dr. David Stewart entitled: Chemistry of Essential Oils

“When molecules of essential oils are inhaled swallowed applied to the skin or internalized into your body in anyway they resonate with your bodily tissues at the frequencies intrinsic to their molecular spectrum as well as their resultant harmonic and beat frequencies. This increases your natural electromagnetic vibrations and restores coherence to your electric fields to produce healing and maintain the wellness.”

Finally, this quote:

“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.”

Nikola Tesla

Please contact me if you would like me to create an intentional blend for you.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Intentional-Blends-1955315441346548/

Integration

Ayahuasca is a medicine that helps us to change the way we see ourselves and our lives. It can change our understanding of our very existence. It calls into question many commonly held beliefs and this can be a profound experience indeed. It can also be a disturbing experience because it has the power to disturb the rhythm our lives and the way that we think. Within this disturbance lies the possibility for great change. The desire for change is often what leads us to the medicine in the first place.

The plant medicine experience has the power to shift your life in a profound way. It is the beginning of “The Work”. This work entails not only honouring this shift but opening up to further shifts that will continue to bring about the kinds of changes that were the impetus for the journey with Ayahuasca. Although everyone’s experience of Ayahuasca may be different, there are underlying universal lessons and necessary changes in perspective that help each person, in their own way, to improve their lives.

I have been engaging in shamanism and working with plant medicines for over 7 years now and during this time I have worked solely and intensively on integrating the experiences I’ve had with these medicines into my daily life. This work has improved my outlook, mood, health and relationships exponentially. I have had continuous assistance from our plant allies and continue to work with them to help others to make the most out of their experiences.

One of the most effective and surprisingly empowering integrative tools that I have encountered so far in this journey has been hypnosis. To learn more, click here or contact me at rebecca.hayden@gmail.com

Ayahuasca on Love

It’s Valentine’s Day and although I can’t say that this is usually a big holiday for me, I have been thinking about love and expressing it on this day. I’m single right now and I will be spending Valentine’s Day with my 7 year old son. This is something I’m looking forward to. I know that we generally think of Valentine’s Day as celebrating romantic love and I think that we’re limiting ourselves in this way. I have been urged more and more to ‘put pencil to paper’ as Ayahuasca advised during my last ceremony so I’m doing this in cases where I’m asking about things that might concern everyone. I asked about love, thinking of it both in the way of celebration and in a way that will help us. I wrote the answer which I have typed out in Italics below. The message begins from the standpoint of a separate entity by saying ‘your’ and ‘you’, and then moves into the position of ‘our’. This has happened before and I don’t correct it. I always hear this voice from the perspective of ‘we’ (they speak as a collective that is speaking to ‘me’) but lately and especially when it comes to something I intend to share publicly, it quickly moves into ‘we’ as in all of ‘us’. I hope you don’t find this too confusing.. the message is the important thing. 😉

—

Love is the root of your existence. To celebrate love is to celebrate all of existence. Begin with you and move on from there to everything and everyone. We love ourselves into existence and the quality of our existence depends on the quality of our love. Judgmental, conditional love creates an existence of suffering. When we create an atmosphere of punishment, we deliver love only as a method of reward. Love is not a reward, it is the very fabric of a healthy existence and it is boundless. When we limit love, when we restrain it, we are compromising our very existence.

—

When I read the above message and thought about posting it, I admit to feeling a little reluctant. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel the wisdom in it, I always do. I just felt that maybe people aren’t ready to embrace this and I felt that I’m not always able to live up to it myself even though I try (which is where the judgment comes in of course 😉  Here’s the response I got:

—

Your existence is in a state of flux right now. People are learning to approach things differently and this will change things very quickly. This new approach will allow for growth and change on a different level than you have seen before.

You look at these words of love with a sense of the past and with a feeling of heavy responsibility for yourself and for others. You must only take responsibility for yourself and know that when you form the intention to live in this natural state of love, you feel the authenticity of it. When you deviate from it, you feel the pain – judgment/punishment of self and others.

—

 

Ayahuasca Talks!

This is a talk I gave at the Centre for Social Innovation in Toronto on November 30th, 2016. This is the back up video and lighting challenges made it necessary to film in a close up fashion but hopefully, the message will outweigh the video quality. 😉

A huge thanks to Yvonne Erlichman for filming this talk and my unending thanks to the Temple of the Way of Light for not only providing some of the photos for this talk (of the vine itself and of the Shipibo Maestra/Shaman) but for the extraordinary time I spent there in the jungle where I first discovered Ayahuasca.

How do you expend your mental energy?

One of the lessons I’ve received and continue to receive when needed is about how I expend my mental energy. When I find myself carried away with thoughts about a frustrating experience I had, I am reminded that it’s over and it’s time to be present. Even when I am present and dealing with say a customer service dilemma, or a challenging social situation, this is an opportunity to learn. There seem to be plenty of these opportunities in today’s climate and on one such occasion, while I felt my frustration begin to build, I was taken through various outcomes in my mind and realized that under no circumstances would expressing anger serve me or help to improve the situation. It didn’t mean that I wasn’t encouraged to be persistent when it was appropriate, I just didn’t expend the kind of intense energy on the matter that I might have previously and in the end, things always worked out better for me. The outcome was always measured by how I felt, not what transpired. However, soon I began to notice that I not only felt better but the overall outcomes improved considerably. I made better choices because I was in a better frame of mind to do so.

The energy of the mind is something that is worth our attention. It is an environment that needs to be taken care of just as our physical environment needs tending. The thoughts we entertain send signals to our body and out into the world around us. Both our bodies and the world responds. When I invest in fear, worry and doubt, I end up feeling tired and experience a loss of energy. This state is reflected outward to others around me and they respond accordingly. There may be superficial activities and responses that seem to ignore this inner state but on a deeper level, this is what we’re all responding to all of the time and this is the level at which real change is possible.

We are sending out signals all the time with our energy and when we choose to engage in those highly charged negative emotional exchanges, we’re sending out the kind of signals that invite that same negative charge in whatever form it may take. Understanding this helped me to take an active role in what I allowed to fill my mind because it was my engagement with certain kinds of thoughts that ultimately sparked this negative energy. We all have a choice in this. Our thoughts are not who we are but they affect how we feel and behave and that affects everything else. I began to actively refuse to entertain thoughts that I realized were continually intruding and causing harm. I used visualization techniques that seemed strange to me at the time but I soon realized that the method isn’t what matters, it’s the results that matter and the results were and still are consistently good. I began to treat negative thoughts as though they were people intruding in a harmful way and I would no longer engage with them.

This is a powerful exercise. It taught me that by using my will to cast out these intrusive and negative thoughts, I was beginning to take control of my life. I soon began to do this gently but firmly with other influences in my life (including some people and media) that promoted the kind of negative and fearful thoughts I worked so hard to clean out. It became a ripple effect showing me clearly how my state of mind reflected outwards. I started to become more sensitive to my energetic state and more discerning about what I took in.  By creating a more peaceful space inside of me and around me, I began to invite the more positive experiences and the kind of community that I had been craving. It has been the most liberating experience of my life and it all happened because I began to pay attention to what was going on in my mind and to actively participate in changing it in a positive way. We all have the power to do this and if we are willing, it can change everything.