Personal Growth – Page 2

Hypnosis & Psychedelic/Plant Medicine Integration

From the earliest stages of my foray into shamanism, my intention was to heal and the first message or insight I received in response to my intention was “everything you need is inside of you”. It’s not an original notion but I didn’t take it as seriously as I began to once I embarked on the shamanic path of healing which ultimately involved plant medicines and psychedelics. It was an essential theme for inner work and personal growth that helped me to put my focus where it needed to be – within. That was 10 years ago and it has served me well. I have experienced many plant medicines, psychedelics, shamanic healings/retreats and used many tools along the way and all of them confirmed the fact that changing from within was the most powerful way to change my life experience for the better.

I then began to search for the best tool to help others to do this kind of work. I searched for something that resonated with me and that honoured this most essential theme of focusing within to bring about changes in one’s life. I was very surprised to discover that hypnosis answered this description and served as the ultimate tool for plant medicine and psychedelic integration. Like many, I often perceived hypnosis as a disempowering practice that was used to control others but this was a misconception. In fact, I had many misconceptions about psychedelics, spirituality and even shamanism as well, probably due to how it was represented in the media and in other ways that I had been exposed to throughout my life. What a revelation it was to discover how empowering and transformative hypnosis could be! It was a pleasant surprise and I still marvel at the power of it and how much it has changed so many people’s lives for the better including my own.

After studying and working with hypnosis the shamanic applications of it were so evident, it seems to me now that it must have been inspired by the ancient practice of shamanic journeying and meditation. In my experience and practice, hypnosis is a powerful combination of both and it’s the ideal integration method. Hypnosis can be used as a tool of self-discovery, which allows us to not only deeply explore our inner world but to begin to heal it. It allows us to discover inner programming and to change it for the better. It can also serve to facilitate a connection to higher consciousness to gain invaluable insights and this has unlimited potential. Sound familiar? It is very much like the experiences we have with plant medicines and psychedelics. In fact, it’s possible to revisit psychedelic and plant medicine experiences through hypnotic journeying. It’s a fascinating and transformative experience as it reveals to us our own unlimited potential and helps us to continue the journey we began with plant medicines and psychedelics. It is also a practice that we can begin to cultivate and do independently. As any truly empowering tool does, it engenders a sense of personal power, personal responsibility and unlimited possibilities.

Hypnosis testimonials

“If it wasn’t for the undeniable synchronicities that led me to Rebecca, I wouldn’t have imagined myself as someone to seek out counselling or therapy. I place a lot of faith in meditation and self-guided practises, and believe the answers we seek are present within ourselves – we don’t need to seek them from external sources. While this has served me vey well for many difficult years of my life, I recognized that I had reached a point where I was stuck and couldn’t identify what it was that was holding me back. After a couple of sessions with Rebecca I felt my mind had been gently trained to free itself from the many busy thoughts that hold us back from connecting with our subconscious self. I was able to tap into deeper states of relaxation that facilitated the deep inner work, which helped reveal the self-limiting beliefs I had around wealth and influence. Rebecca was very intuitive in guiding my inward journey, and very gentle in helping me embrace more wholesome and empowering ideologies. To help me continue realigning my beliefs while outside of our sessions, she provided me with guided self-hypnosis recordings that I could play anytime through the day, and particularly before bed. These powerful personalized recordings were designed very thoughtfully and thoroughly, and very soon I started to experience a generalized sense of wellness and confidence. As I continue my sessions and continue to peel back the layers of the onion that is my psyche, I want to express my gratitude for the transformative work Rebecca is doing through her hypnosis sessions!”

Dr. Vedant Arun, Medical Bio-Physicist

“I worked with Rebecca in Hypnotherapy in fall 2019. In the sessions, I was able to feel peace and even have healing experiences. Rebecca is very knowledgeable in her craft and able to integrate her other plant medicine experiences as part of the coaching experience as well. She is very patient and open minded, providing a safe and comfortable space for me to freely explore and experience. Her voice is very soothing and led me into a trance that I wasn’t able to experience before. If you are interested in trying hypnotherapy, you will be in great hands with Rebecca. I also thoroughly enjoy her podcast as it can be a very good complement to her sessions. Happy journeying!”

Lu Wang, Business Consultant

I have been working with Rebecca for about 6 months at this point. I initially came to her for help with longer-term integration of my experiences with plant medicines. After a couple of rough journeys, I was actually fairly terrified of the whole process, and was reassured by listening to her podcasts.

After our first communications led me to ask for guidance and help via (remote) hypnotherapy, her compassionate presence and her insight helped me feel wonderfully supported as I continued to explore the process and broader journey. Her heartfelt efforts have helped me to gain both more understanding of and peace with the path I’m on. Specifically, she’s helped me to feel the loving side of the Grandmother, and helped prepare me for journeys by teaching self-hypnosis to improve my focus on intentions.

Her techniques are grounded and heartfelt, and her openness and compassion are palpable. Rebecca helps me to bridge my rather concrete allopathic training with these experiences, and to improve that which is my daily practice of living. I’m grateful for having found her and for the experiences she’s led me through, and looking forward to further exploration and growth.

Internist, Texas

If you are interested in working with me to discover your inner resources through hypnosis, please contact me at rebecca.hayden@gmail.com

Please note, I work remotely via Zoom which will require a computer with a camera and a built-in microphone (which most computers have).

Self-Love: The Intrinsic Value Of Us

It’s interesting to note how we tend to value human life intrinsically when it is brand new – babies being born into this world – or when it is almost over – people on their death beds. In these two instances, as babies and on the brink of death, we are the closest to an existence beyond this one. From all accounts of those who have had near death experiences, who have visited the existence beyond the one we know so well, it is understood that all of us have great value. This value is experienced in the form of a love so profound and permeating that no one wants to leave that loving existence and return to this one. So how do we as human beings, lose our sense of self-value and love? It happens in so many ways on an individual and societal level, and I think it starts when we place value on what a person does or doesn’t do above who they are. As children, the focus on our accomplishments is rather high, beginning with when we begin to talk and walk and then school, lessons and measurements of all sorts. It’s possible to lose our sense of self-value in focusing so much on what we’re ‘good at’ or ‘not good at’ and how we measure up to others – the comparisons can be disturbing and relentless. There is also valuing ourselves based on what we do for others – how we benefit others as a measurement of self-worth as though our only value is in what we offer to others apart from the simple, intrinsic value of who we are. Children pick up on all of these signals related to value, which is often focused on appearance, abilities and certain kinds of accomplishments. It’s how things have been for so many years, generation after generation. Perhaps we can change that now.

I have been focusing inward a great deal over the past 10 years after my initial foray into shamanic healing and I have learned that self-love is a fundamental aspect of well-being. More and more people are becoming aware of this profound truth, which is a sign of positive change and hopefully it signals a generational shift that bodes well for the future of humanity. There is a refreshing wave of interest in self-love and yet, many still struggle with this concept because of the influence of the past and the continuing and residual attitudes that permeate our society. I think that for many of us, self-love is a concept that takes some effort and consideration to embrace let alone to embody. After all, many of us have come from backgrounds filled with praise for being ‘selfless’. It was quite a revelation to me to begin to operate from a position of ‘self-service’, which has been an essential theme throughout my shamanic healing journey. I found it surprising and ultimately liberating to embrace ‘what serves me’ realizing that some things that I had considered to be self-serving in the past, were not truly serving me at all. However, at the heart of this, if I am to truly master it, is self-love, which requires an appreciation for our intrinsic value – my intrinsic value. I’ve sat with it and considered it and just allowed the lessons to come realizing that like many of the shifts I’ve experienced on this journey, it takes time to make the big changes in perspective – to own them, apply them and embody them.

I think the greatest opportunity for me to truly come to terms with the idea of our intrinsic value came when my dad was at the end of his life. He had been in long term care for years before the end came and when it did, I had a deeply moving dream about a month beforehand. My dreams have become important healing and teaching tools since my earliest involvement in shamanism and some stand out more than others. This dream woke me up in the middle of the night and inspired me to record the message that came with it because it was so important. In fact, it was my father’s eulogy and I was giving it in my dream with the guidance of this wise voice that I have been hearing ever since my first journey with Ayahuasca in Peru. During this eulogy, there were accounts of some of my dad’s finer attributes but it became clear that these descriptions: kind, handsome, funny & gentle could be attributed to many other people. So what was it about my dad that made him so valuable and lovable? It was quite simply who he was. That unmistakable and unique essence of the man we knew and loved so well. There was a clear recognition of his intrinsic value. We knew this without question as we grieved and thought about his life and the time we shared with him. Could we know this without question about ourselves too? This ultimate truth about all of us that others will experience when we pass? Through this dream and the eulogy that I actually gave at his funeral, my father offered me a most valuable lesson that I’m passing onto you.

This is a powerful lesson and recognizing the power of it and the simple truth of it is important. One of the deepest truths that I have learned through this ever-present guiding voice and through many shamanic ceremonies and experiences is that who we are and how we regard ourselves is felt by others without us even saying a word. Our self regard is felt and it’s a signal that we send out into the world that is being responded to all the time. So, if we regard ourselves with love, we are creating the best possible experience for ourselves in this life. Once we become accustomed to experiencing self-love and valuing ourselves in this way, we can cultivate a society that recognizes the intrinsic value of humanity which will be reflected in all kinds of positive ways that will begin to change how we exist – how we educate children for example which can change everything. After all, if we place such value and importance on ourselves then we will place importance on learning about ourselves in the earliest stages of our lives – something that has been a giant gap in our education so far. I think we have a lot of work to do to bring this great shift about but I do believe it’s underway and it’s a sort of progressive, intentional evolution – one that must begin on an individual level. It all begins with self-love. Who knew that this could be such a learning curve? But it is and once we face this and intentionally take it on, we can begin to learn and embrace what it means to recognize our own intrinsic value, knowing the profound impact it can have on our own lives, on the next generation and on our world. Just think of how many aspects of our society would change if self-love was a core value that had to be considered and adhered to – before making any policy or product or program. Make no mistake, loving yourself and recognizing your intrinsic value is important work. I hope you begin this work today and open up to all of the wondrous possibilities that come with it.

Ayahuasca Helped Me Explore My Thoughts Then Said: “Tell Them”

During my daily dialogue with this inner teacher that has been available to me following my first Ayahuasca retreat, there have been many lessons around my thought patterns and some of the best lessons came when I was actually in ceremony (after ingesting the brew).. or so I thought. The reason I thought this was because during ceremony, I didn’t have my usual defence mechanisms at play – I was a captive audience. However, during one particularly memorable ceremony, Ayahuasca deliberately allowed my thoughts to occur as they normally would and used this opportunity to show me how I allowed my thoughts to get in the way of doing the things I wanted to do in my life. She literally showed me these thoughts as they occurred right after she had encouraged me to consider doing something wonderful. My conception of this wonderful endeavour was inevitably followed by thoughts that belittled this idea and made it seem not realistic or unlikely to succeed. Ayahuasca then pointed out how these thoughts themselves were the barriers I faced – not the subject or content of the thoughts, just the actual thoughts themselves. Then Ayahuasca said “Tell Them!” in an emphatic way.

This is not the first time that Ayahuasca has asked me to pass on messages, teachings and urged me to talk about the things I’ve experienced and learned. During a ceremony previous to the one described above, the usually abundant dialogue with Ayahuasca was very sparse and after a short lesson about how I create my own barriers (one of her favourite subjects) I heard “We will speak through you” and then I purged in a way that I won’t soon forget (and unfortunately, nether will the others in the clean up crew). Other than the obvious discomfort of the purge and the rigors of the medicine experience itself, it sounds like an easy thing to do, to share these teachings, but it wasn’t for me. I felt that I had to sufficiently address these issues myself before I could pass along these messages and teach what I was learning. But what did I consider to be sufficient? It was a yardstick that just kept growing and I could never measure up.

I had always been rather critical of spiritual teachers – probably because somewhere inside of me, I knew that I was one myself. My expectations of them were extremely high and this is one of the many lessons in the form of cosmic jokes that I’ve encountered on this integrative journey with Ayahuasca. It’s a good thing that I have a sense of humour – it comes in handy. Every time I’ve judged people in my life it has come back to haunt me and I’ve been humbled on many fronts. This particular judgement was the most difficult because it became a barrier to my own calling. How could I teach if I was so self-critical that I could never live up to my own standards? It was more than a barrier – it was a trap. I managed to make it seem so righteous. Ayahuasca was not impressed.

Well, I’m over it. One thing I always admired in teachers was their willingness to continue to learn and this is something I can honestly say that I’m always doing. Ayahuasca is my constant teacher and one of the best lessons yet was one she offered to help me to address my misgivings about moving forward with teaching. She let me know that due to this constant inner guidance, my awareness of my thoughts – including the ones that are harmful – is heightened. As I continue to move beyond my comfort zones, it inevitably involves contending with the thoughts that protest this move. She kindly points out to me that this is a sign of growth and progress in my life. If I wasn’t constantly moving beyond my comfort zones, I would not have to face and address or traverse these protesting thoughts that intervene. The point is to not let them take over and dominate my decisions or feelings about what I’m doing.

Ultimately, I hope to rest between major shifts outside of my comfort zones. In the meantime, I have decided to regard these periods of discomfort as badges of honour and to move forward with teaching, knowing that we’re all learning together. All I can do as a teacher is to pass on what I learn. This is all any teacher can do and it’s not only teachers who do this. I learn from everyone and what I hope to inspire people to do is to discover the ultimate teacher – the teacher within.

If you’d like to learn more about personal growth & spiritual connection through hypnotic journeying, please email me at rebecca.hayden@gmail.com

Moving from Punishment to Compassion

Throughout my long journey of healing from depression, I have been learning about the things I need to change within myself. It’s been a challenging, immeasurably rewarding and highly educational experience. It has been a process that has taught me more about myself and about humanity than I could have learned in any other way. I have always been drawn to and moved by Philosophy (the love of wisdom) so this process is feeding a very deep need in me and I’m always wanting to learn more. I know without a doubt that this is where I was meant to be, on this path of learning, and it took depression to ultimately lead me here.

One of the reasons why it’s so challenging to learn about the things that I need to change is that I, like many others, have to contend with an inner (and sometimes outer) kneejerk defensive reaction that wants to protect myself from any kind of accusation of wrong doing. If something needs to change, there needs to be an understanding of what that is and why it needs to change. This is often where the defense mechanism kicks in and this defensive reaction has everything to do with having been immersed in a punishment oriented world for so long – one that breeds this defensiveness in so many of us. The defense is a means of avoiding punishment (a sort of survival instinct). Whether it’s physical, disciplinary punishment (my parents were big softies when it came to this actually) or more of a constant series of responses that indicate how underserving a person is who has ‘done wrong’, it’s a pattern underlying typical social behaviour in our world beginning from early childhood. It is both formal in some instances (reprimands/discipline of children or legal action/jail for adults) and informal in others (social shaming, exclusion and an endless nuanced form of passive aggression). It’s a pervasive pattern that becomes internalized. The continued internal self-punishment and admonishment supports the ongoing external version – that which we apply to others – often in the form of judgement.

On a personal level, when you disparage someone else in your own mind for doing something that is considered to be wrong, you are reinforcing that tendency to punish. This strengthens the punishment reaction so that it becomes alive and well in the mind. Unfortunately, this inner tendency towards punishment is most often directed at yourself because you are the person you live with 24hrs a day. This is really what’s behind the old standing piece of wisdom: ‘When you hurt others, you’re only hurting yourself’. As it turns out, this has merit.

Punishment is a deterrent to personal growth and most importantly to unconditional self-love, which is an imperative for well-being. Because of the anticipation of punishment, defensiveness is justified as ‘self-protection’. This act of self-protection can be mistaken for an act of self-love. It is not. The defense itself is actually based on a false assumption that we can only be loved or be worthy of love if/when we don’t ‘do wrong’ or that if we ‘do wrong things’, we’re not entitled to or deserving of love – even if temporarily. It’s such an old, familiar and damaging paradigm and tearing this down can be extremely liberating. It can be both a beginning and an end: the beginning of compassion and an end to suffering.

It has been a mandatory part of my healing and growth to exercise compassion with myself and with others. Compassion is something that I have learned to nurture within. At times it’s utterly inspired and I am at peace. At others, it takes a supreme effort and I have to remind myself of the wisdom of this approach and of its constant rewards. The rewards of compassion are very clear. If I create an atmosphere in my mind of compassion, I give myself more opportunities to grow and change for the better. In an atmosphere of compassion, I have every incentive to do this because I’m no longer wasting energy defending myself and living in fear of punishment. If I’m treating myself and others with compassion and benefiting from it, I am cultivating an atmosphere of compassion all around me. This is the real revolution. Moving away from punishment and towards compassion is a revolutionary act. In fact, it might be more appropriate to term it an evolutionary act. I believe that we are growing out of this punishment phase of humanity.

Despite popular belief, punishment doesn’t work – not even formally. There have been numerous studies to support this fact and overwhelming evidence. Incarceration and corporal punishment have not reduced crime. In fact crime has only increased steadily and incarceration facilities are growing. Punishment is not effective in bringing about positive change because it only motivates people to avoid punishment rather than to consider for themselves why deep personal change might be necessary and how it might benefit them.

My path of intentional, personal growth began with Shamanism, an ancient practice of healing which for me has involved using many tools & medicines including Ayahuasca and always guided by a higher form of consciousness. There are many ways to access a higher form of consciousness. Some do this through meditation. For me, Shamanism has involved a form of meditation that we call journeying. Whatever name we put on it, this experience can be very liberating. I needed to be liberated from my way of thinking and this liberation has been an instrumental part of my healing. One of the main concepts introduced early in my Shamanic practice was the idea of ‘self service’. If I was to heal and grow, I needed to make changes. This meant dropping behaviour that ‘no longer served me’. In this phrase you may detect a distinct lack of judgement. There’s not the heaviness of ‘wrong doing’ associated with behaviour. It’s quite simply not in my best interest to do these things and therefore it makes sense that I stop doing them. Our judgemental attachment to so-called ‘wrong doing’ is what leads to so much more ‘wrong doing’, which is really just illness – hence the constant reference in Shamanism to ‘healing’ and ‘medicine’.

My experience of healing has helped me to see myself and to approach my life and the world in different ways. I continue to learn about what it means to be ill by learning and experiencing what it means to be well. When I have had difficulties of my own or with others, it helps to see that these difficulties are part of an illness that can be treated rather than an evil or bad behaviour. Once there is judgement, a heaviness is attached, and it becomes much more difficult for me to extricate myself from it. If I’m able to see it as illness, compassion is my response rather than judgement and this changes everything. Would we punish someone for being ill? Even formally, we have laws to protect the mentally ill from punishment. However, I think it’s time that we change the way that we define and perceive mental illness. A favourite quote comes to mind:

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society”

Jiddu Krishnamurti

The wellness and mindfulness movement is an indicator of this need for change and our desire to move forward in a different way. Those of us who have been forced to focus on wellness have discovered that this is not a quick fix. True wellness requires big changes in the ways that we think about and act towards ourselves and towards others. It requires effort and it requires compassion.

Once you begin to see the results of compassion, a form of love, you marvel at the power of it and how freeing it is. Mostly, you marvel at how good it feels and then you understand that there is an alternative to suffering. We have a choice in this and moving from punishment to compassion is a choice and a powerful step towards ending suffering.

The Story of Our Keys: Ayahuasca Wisdom on Personal Power

During my ceremonies with Ayahuasca, like so many others, I had a dialogue with a higher form of consciousness that we call Ayahuasca. When I returned from the jungle, the dialogue continued. During one ceremony, Ayahuasca asked me to put pencil to paper and when I did, the following allegorical story emerged about the nature of our personal power and how we may use it either to build barriers or to create ‘new worlds’. In essence, it’s about how we create our own reality:

Your Keys

You carry a key inside of you, and that key opens the doors of the world that you create. You are creating new worlds all the time and using your key to enter those worlds. The key must remain with you so that you may have access to these new worlds. If you give that key away you lose access.

Giving Your Key Away

Given the importance of this key, it must remain within you. If you give away your key, you give away access to those new worlds–new possibilities. Once the key leaves you, the ability to enter those new worlds resides outside of you. If you put that key into someone else’s hands you have given that person your own access to these new worlds and possibilities. Once this happens your dependency on that person begins. This dependency often breeds resentment. This resentment is the foundation of structures called barriers. We build these structures that encompass our fears of using our own keys. Our focus shifts from these new possibilities to the keeper of the keys.

The Keeper of the Keys

This keeper is now in possession of the key to these new possibilities. This possession is never permanent. It is an illusion supported by the owners of the keys. This illusion becomes more powerful as the focus on the keeper grows. The keepers of the keys are now reviled by the owners because the keepers are restricting access or building worlds that the owners don’t like. This creates conflict.

The Key Owner’s Dilemma

Being convinced that the keepers now own the keys, the owners feel powerless. Every time the owner begins to build a new world this same owner destroys it in the name of the keeper always placing the responsibility for this destruction solely on the shoulders of the keeper. The owner’s frustration builds. How can the owner be expected to create a new world when the keeper stands in the way?

The New Owner’s Thoughts

Now that the keys have no real home having been discarded by the owners and never truly residing with the keeper, the keys constitute an immense unused power. This power is needed and desired by every owner and yet remains unused. The keys are illuminated every time someone breaks out this trap. Those who break free not only see the keys at everyone’s disposal, they also see the multitude of keys to the endless new worlds that they may build.

These are not only the new owners but the true owners as they acknowledge where the true power lies. The new owners see not only the possibilities but the endless struggle of those who deny ownership of their keys. This is a dilemma indeed. How can they help the other owners and keepers to see the reality of the natural and true state of the keys? They must show this by using their own keys to build new worlds in hopes that others will be inspired to claim ownership of their own keys. This is the path to freedom.

This is only an excerpt of ‘The Story of Our Keys’ that continues to unfold. I wrote this story but a higher form of consciousness is the author. I learned a great deal from writing this story and continue to learn more each time I write and each time I read it. It is becoming a book. I will self-publish if necessary, but I would like to find a publisher who is inspired to take this on. Through this work, I have begun to see that our world is filled with unusual and inspiring things if we’re willing to see them and most importantly, to create them.

Testimonials

“Meeting and talking to Rebecca about.. plant medicines changed my life. [She] opened my mind to possibilities I hadn’t considered before…. genuine insights into the human condition… yet down to earth, relatable and authentic”

Psychiatrist, New York

“Rebecca is raw, honest and compassionate in the way she holds space for you and asks riveting questions that pierce through the fluff and get to the core. She has helped me see things clearly and confront things that I didn’t want to see, which has helped me achieve inner breakthroughs for deeper joy”

Manager, Toronto

“If the longest road you ever walk is the sacred journey from your head to your heart, then Rebecca Hayden will conjure a magical space where the two can meet at once. She will empower you by sharing her exploration of plant medicine, and you will gain this wisdom without having to travel through four continents to arrive there.”

Healer, Mississauga

“Rebecca’s story of honest unwavering commitment to spiritual discovery, is fascinating and inspiring..”

Educator, Toronto

“Rebecca has a very inspiring story and her knowledge and experience with plant medicines made the workshop a very integrative experience where we were all able to connect with each other and learn from each other’s experiences. I am very grateful to Rebecca for creating a space where we were able to share openly about how our experiences have changed our lives and found it very helpful to connect with a community that understands the profundity of plant medicines. Thanks again Rebecca! ”

Student, Toronto

“Such a gem to know Rebecca! I find her warm, open, highly attuned to herself and others, and incredibly psychologically minded, by which I mean she makes meaningful connections around a person’s experiences that resonate with compelling aha’s every time. I treasure my connection with Rebecca and would take every opportunity to work with her.”

Psychologist, Toronto

“Rebecca’s workshop was an incredibly rich experience. I was at once reconnected to the sacred space of medicine work and reminded of its vast potential to transform our lives. Rebecca is a Phoenix who has risen from the ashes. She has come back with the ability to help and guide others through having endured her own suffering and great personal challenges. I believe that a lot of people can benefit from the work that she is putting forward and I believe that she is building a movement towards greater personal empowerment and awakening. She is a leader and visionary. I gained so much wisdom from the discussions and the material and would highly recommend anyone to attend her workshops.

Student, Hospitality Professional, Toronto

Hypnosis Testimonials

Dr. Vedant Arun, Medical Bio-Physicist

Lu Wang, Business Consultant

In just a short time with Rebecca’s expertise I was able to experience awesome benefits of hypnosis and deep meditation. Due to our sessions, very important pieces of my life puzzle shifted allowing for insight and self love. Her guidance was caring, intuitive, and professional.

Mary Brooks Conscious Aging Coach

Internist, Texas

Integration

Ayahuasca is a medicine that helps us to change the way we see ourselves and our lives. It can change our understanding of our very existence. It calls into question many commonly held beliefs and this can be a profound experience indeed. It can also be a disturbing experience because it has the power to disturb the rhythm our lives and the way that we think. Within this disturbance lies the possibility for great change. The desire for change is often what leads us to the medicine in the first place.

The plant medicine experience has the power to shift your life in a profound way. It is the beginning of “The Work”. This work entails not only honouring this shift but opening up to further shifts that will continue to bring about the kinds of changes that were the impetus for the journey with Ayahuasca. Although everyone’s experience of Ayahuasca may be different, there are underlying universal lessons and necessary changes in perspective that help each person, in their own way, to improve their lives.

I have been engaging in shamanism and working with plant medicines for over 7 years now and during this time I have worked solely and intensively on integrating the experiences I’ve had with these medicines into my daily life. This work has improved my outlook, mood, health and relationships exponentially. I have had continuous assistance from our plant allies and continue to work with them to help others to make the most out of their experiences.

One of the most effective and surprisingly empowering integrative tools that I have encountered so far in this journey has been hypnosis. To learn more, click here or contact me at rebecca.hayden@gmail.com

Ayahuasca Wisdom: Responding to the Rising Conflict in the World

It’s been a long time since I’ve seriously pondered issues of conflict beyond my own personal ones. I used to be an activist/documentary film maker and I was admittedly a rabid activist – always angry and ranting about something. In fact, I was in such an unhealthy state that ultimately I had to walk away from these endeavours to find a way to address my depression. It was the best thing I could have done and it has changed my life for the better in every way. It was at this point in my life that I discovered shamanism and plant medicines. Once I began to focus on healing, I carefully chose what media I was exposed to and although I had always been very selective in this regard, I became even more so and the effect was a very calming one. It allowed me to keep my attention where it needed to be.

I have been engaging in shamanism for some time now and working with various medicines and doing the most important work of all: integrating these experiences. In other words, I have been taking the lessons I’ve learned through this medicine and shamanic work and applying them to my life. In doing so, I have improved my health, my relationships and my outlook on life. This integration work continues and it will continue for the rest of my life. It has become a way of life for me. And now, I find myself in a community of people who like me, are working towards a better world. All of us do this in our own unique ways. Within this community it has not been possible to avoid the kinds of conversations that arise from the events that have been prominent in the news media lately. I skillfully (although not always successfully) avoided conversations about Trump but now, I find it increasingly difficult to refrain from involving myself in conversations about the attacks arising from Islamophobia. I have come to fully appreciate what it means to ‘be the change’ and yet in the face of these disturbing issues being discussed all around me, I found myself conflicted and felt the familiar disturbing feelings rising inside me. Although they are not anywhere near my old feelings of rage, I still found it difficult to sort through what I felt and so I asked for guidance.

I have been very fortunate to receive a great deal of guidance from an incredible source of wisdom and recently, Ayahuasca asked me to ‘put pencil to paper’. I have done so and not only received answers to my questions but I began to engage in writing some very unique material that doesn’t in any way resemble my style of writing. It’s familiar to me however, from my experiences with plant medicines, Ayahuasca in particular. It was Ayahuasca who used this technique to reply to my dilemma about how to respond to this disturbing feeling I had about the conflict that seems to be ever encroaching these days. Here’s what came out when I did as I was asked and put pencil to paper:

The beast within you knows that outer beast. They are friends. They work together to stage battles that we attend. If we were to change the rules and no longer allow these beasts an arena in which to hold these battles, the audience would leave and the show would be over. No more spectacle to engage in.

Our beast, the beast within us, answers the battle call always in the name of peace. If we vanquish the beast within, we will have fought our last battle. When you hear the call to battle, seek out the beast within that responds. This beast needs your love and attention. It’s the only way to end the battles.

These battle cries and responses are symptoms of a deeper problem that we’re not addressing. We never will address the deeper problem if we allow these battles to continue. We have proven this time and again.

Becoming the custodian of the landscape of my mind…

I remember people always remarking to me that I was ‘in my head’ a lot and this statement carried with it some negative connotations. I understood this at the time because it meant that I wasn’t engaging with those around me and that created a sort of distance. Who knew that ultimately, this would become a strength that would help me engage so much better with those around me? I have been working with plant medicines (Iboga, Ayahusca, Peyote & more) for some time now and although the immediate results of taking these medicines is pronounced and inspiring, I know that it’s just the beginning of the work that needs to be done to bring about lasting change. All of the healing work I’ve done has required me to engage with my mind in new ways. One of the things I learned to do was to take note of the nature of thoughts that occupied my mind. One by one I became aware of different kinds of harmful intrusions. One was ‘The Bully’ which was something I needed to address head on so that it no longer imposed upon my thoughts and ultimately affected my outlook. The word ‘outlook’ pretty much says it all in terms of how these kinds of thoughts affect your reality. The outlook is the lens through which you see the world and getting rid of intrusions in your mind can improve your outlook, and in turn your life, enormously.

Another form of intrusion I dealt with was an invasive form of panic. It’s not like an all out panic attack. I had those in the past and they are long gone. I think that the panic attacks happened to let me know that there was a lot of deeper work I needed to do to become healthy. It was a messenger and instead of receiving the message, I did what a lot of people do. I treated the message as a disease in itself rather than the symptom of a greater issue I needed to address. Ultimately, I had to endure a long and painful depression to bring me to a place where I was able to face the many issues that had been making themselves known to me in various ways (illnesses and other physical and psychological conditions). Now I have the tools to address these issues and the work is intensive. When I feel an emotional or physical discomfort, I know that it’s a message and that I have to take time out to discover what’s behind it. Not long ago it was a slight but persistent panic. It was very subtle so I had been diligently ignoring it in favour of getting other daily tasks done. This is a long standing habit – to ignore pain or discomfort whether it’s physical or emotional. Most of us do this and it’s understandable. I had to acknowledge this slightly panicked state, which was brought to my attention, then make time to deal with it. When you realize the degree to which something like this impacts your daily experience and know that there’s a chance to address it, you have all the incentive you need.

As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, sometimes film is used to illustrate lessons and provide me with messages. This time, it was used to show me the many experiences I’ve had in my life that helped to construct this state of fear and panic. The sense of panic had a charge – a potency – and to release it, I had to acknowledge its origins. Sometimes this can be difficult to do but the stories that accompany this healing have the power to reach right inside of me and expose something deeply ingrained. Once I acknowledge this deeper reality and release the charge it has, sometimes through some tears, I’m able to then let it go. This panic had become a fixture in my mind no longer attached to old events and I would attach it to just about everything. In this way it became a constant part of my reality and I expended a great deal of energy to support it. Given that this was my everyday experience, I became so used to it that I didn’t even realize it was happening but felt the impact of it constantly. Once this was brought to my attention and I agreed to deal with it, the process of healing commenced. It takes time and commitment to do this but it’s well worth the investment. I often question this while it’s underway, while I’m watching movies thinking: “Can this possibly be good for me?” “Does this really constitute work?” I do this time and again despite the consistently positive results I’ve been getting from exactly this type of work. This questioning mind of mine is also constantly at work. But I have managed to not engage too much with this questioning side so that the other important work can continue.

Sometimes I think I allow the questioning to continue so that I can still remain connected to those who find this extraordinary work baffling. There are times I find it baffling too but I move on from this baffled state into a state of wonder.. a much more enjoyable state indeed. I’m still very attached to the world of thinking which can be helpful to a point but then it can become a barrier of intellectualizing. Perhaps it’s a unique form of intrusion in itself. I’ve found myself moving beyond the questioning so many times to a sensing, which leads to a deeper place of knowing – a much more peaceful place. It’s a profound state that needs no justification. It doesn’t pay homage to the endless struggle of the mind – the intellectual callisthenics we often think necessary to achieve knowledge. I’m now taking action within the mind itself and ordering it according to what serves me. It seems to me now that much of this intellectual wrangling is for its own sake. It wants to be acknowledged for the act itself – the thinking rather than the result – the result in this case being the evidence of thinking. This impressive tail chasing is a familiar scenario. When the result of these efforts of the mind is a knowing that can’t be evidenced by logic but by reality – by a healthy and peaceful state of being that can be experienced – I think it’s pretty clear which one will better serve me. It makes sense!

Movies, Healing and Emotional Detox

After returning from Peru in the spring of last year I underwent an unusual form of healing. It was a long and guided process that was tailor made for me and involved one of my favourite activities: watching movies. Initially upon my return from Peru I participated in what is called ‘The Presence Process’ as I had been guided to do in one of my Ayhuasca sessions but after that, the guidance continued and I have been continuing on in this guided way ever since. While in Peru, experiencing group Ayahuasca ceremonies, like many others, I was witness to some outpouring of emotion by various members in the group as part of their healing process. I was surprised to find that only one night in the entire two weeks did I find myself becoming emotional and it was fairly mild. After returning home and finding that I was being guided to do specific things to continue my unique healing process, I soon came to understand that there would be many opportunities for me to pour out my emotions.

One of the most consistent ways that I engage in this emotional healing is through film. It’s hard to tell at this point what I find more surprising, the guidance or the fact that watching films has become an act of healing for me. I think this pronounced internal guidance I’m receiving tops the list of surprising things hands down but it has become so much a part of everyday life for me that I begin to put it down to the regular internal dialogue that I’ve always had and that most people have. The difference is that my internal dialogue was never so wise, instructive, healthy or supportive. Shortly after completing the ‘presence process’ which was a revelation in itself, I was guided to watch certain movies. The first such instruction came to me while at home going about some regular tasks and the movie title would not leave my head. It was reinforced over and over. It was a film I didn’t really want to watch which helped me to accept that this was more than just some kind of preoccupation I was having. I watched the movie and found that I was very emotional during certain parts of it. It was not a normal experience. Of course I had been emotional during movies before but not on this scale and not in this way. During this movie there were parts that struck me in such a profound way and my response was immediate. Through these certain parts of the story, I was made to understand the message that was being communicated to me. There were both messages and lessons that formed an important part of my healing.

This form of healing continued and I was guided to watch other movies. Sometimes through a certain part of a film or during an entire film I was made to see certain parts of my behaviour that was not impressive to say the least. This is a common phenomenon when working with plant medicines so it was apparent to me that this medicine was still having an effect. This has been known to happen but everyone’s experience of it is different. There were also many other kinds of insight I received through this form of healing. I was made to see certain events in my life in ways that changed my perspective and gave me a better understanding of what I had experienced and how it had affected me. Other times I was given greater lessons about humanity. Some of these lessons we all know theoretically: the tragedy of how we hurt one another and how this is perpetuated generation after generation. We do this because we’re unaware of things we carry inside of us that cause harmful behaviour which is difficult for us to see from our own standpoint – unless we make a concerted effort to do so that is.

This lesson is one of the most important ones because it’s so universal. We hear it and it makes sense but somehow these lessons for me took on a whole new depth when watching these movies. It was something I had agreed to do for the purpose of healing and this is what took it beyond the usual movie watching experience. The movies became a tool or a vehicle to reach me and they did with tremendous impact. It’s really quite startling the difference between just passively watching a movie (as I had done so many times before) and being guided to watch one for the purpose of healing. I could watch the same movie an hour, a day or a week later and have no reaction at all. The agreement I made each time pertained to a specific movie to be watched with an intention of healing at a particular time in my life. This combination was what seemed to bring about this extraordinary experience.

The messages I receive in this way rarely have anything to do with the subject matter of the film. Sometimes the subject is used to convey certain concepts but mostly it’s the mystifying power of stories themselves that have been traditionally used to convey ideas, concepts and lessons for centuries. Sometimes an actual sentence will stand out in a way that I know it’s meant for me. It’s very clear and the messages are always full of wisdom, compassion and insight. It’s been such a fascinating experience and the best part is that after I commit to watching the film that has come up for me, I feel so much better afterwards. There is a distinct difference between this and having a good cry at a movie. With every tear, something within me changes and afterwards the feeling of release is unmistakable. This change happens on a deep level and I feel lighter. Through this process I’m often relieved of something that had been dogging me for a very long time – an emotional or psychological weight has been lifted. This is often in stark contrast to the way I feel beforehand.

I’ve come to refer to this process as emotional detox. I do this because the build up to the healing itself is a feeling of emotional toxification. The things inside of me that need to be healed rise within me and it feels awful. Sometimes I need to live with these uncomfortable feelings for what seems like a long period of time before they are relieved through this form of healing. The word uncomfortable is really too mild a word to describe what happens. Sometimes it’s almost unbearable. It varies of course like illness often does from mild to more severe. When it’s severe I pity the people I’m around and try to minimize the casualties in my midst through containment. I try to manage my reactions to things. This is something I agree to as well and it can be quite the challenge. Given how long I’ve been at it, the severity of the build-up has reduced significantly. I still don’t like the feeling of each build-up but I’m reminded of earlier days and know that it’s well worth the progress I’ve made. It seems that this healing happens in stages related to layers of pain that have been lingering deep inside for years. The timing of these healings is still a mystery to me among so many mysteries I will probably never understand.

Some movies I was guided to watch were very hard to get a hold of. They were movies from my childhood – obscure ‘70s movies – but the response once I watched them was so powerful. Other times it was obnoxious ‘80s movies I had no interest in seeing and I really had to muster up some faith to bring myself to watch them. This was especially true because of how miserable I was feeling working up to this point and yet my motivation to relieve these awful feelings always eclipsed my reluctance. No matter how consistently I was healed by this process I questioned it every time. I still do. It’s something I had to get used to. I often laugh about the tenacity of my doubt given the consistently positive results but after a lifetime of believing that this kind of thing is not possible, it’s difficult to shake the part of myself that still doubts. I’ve become accustomed to doubt now and allow it to flow through me without giving it too much energy.

It’s been and continues to be a remarkable experience. I’ve been asked to watch films where I can relate to every character in the film – even the nasty ones and ones I never could have imagined relating to before. It’s been enlightening, astonishing and liberating. It has released me from issues that had been clouding my judgement and holding me back in so many ways. It has alleviated maladies I didn’t even know I had and healed others that I felt were beyond anyone’s powers. It has strengthened my relationships with those closest to me, especially my young son, and has helped me to face things in my life in a more honest and direct way. This has been a result of not only this peculiar movie technique but the constant guidance I’ve received daily. It’s been an extraordinary experience that I doubt words can do justice to but I’m utterly compelled to try.

I’ve always been a questioning sort of person and continue to be although I don’t always get the answers I want. Sometimes I don’t get answers at all but what I get is far more important than that. I get positive change. That’s far more valuable than anything that answers can provide. These changes within me are worth embracing any notions I previously considered to be strange or impossible or flighty (the list goes on). The truth is that I’m not asked to believe anything really. I’m just asked to agree to do certain things to heal. One of the things that I know is part of my healing is to speak and it would be impossible for me not to speak about this inner guidance. I know it’s inside of all of us. It’s a phenomenon that has such possibilities to end suffering and to bring about peace. It has astounding potential and yet it is a very personal and unique experience for everyone. It can’t be bottled or marketed but it can be shared and people can be inspired to pursue their own experience of it in their own way and that’s what I hope to do.

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