Tag: Personal Growth

A Gateway to the Soul

Through plant medicine and psychedelic experiences, we discover a gateway to the soul, to the universe and to the inner world that is our psyche which is so incredibly vast that we could spend a lifetime exploring it and still have so much to uncover. Many believe that plant medicines/psychedelics are the gateway to the soul, but as it turns out, WE are the gateway. I have had, and have facilitated, many spectacular journeys for people who are looking to integrate their psychedelic experiences  (and even for those who have never had psychedelics) and these inner journeys happen without any substances. This doesn’t mean that psychedelics aren’t a wondrous path to the soul or the psyche – they certainly are – but it’s also wondrous to discover that we can continue (or begin) the incredible journey to ourselves in other ways. Through these inner journeys, we can learn how to honour all of the important discoveries we made through plant medicines/psychedelics. In essence, we can learn how to honour ourselves.

Journeying is such a powerful element of integration because it’s experiential. In addition to discussing the new road we’re traveling due to plant medicines/psychedelics, the revelations continue as we become more and more guided by that unique and sacred inner realm which can also be weird and wonderful – truly reminiscent of the p experience. Once we become more familiar with that inner world, we feel more comfortable checking in with it and being aware of its role in our experience of daily life. This is ultimately what we hope to achieve through integration and to navigate our lives in better ways by creating a stronger connection to that inner world that reflects outward.

To learn more about hypnotic journeying, book a free discovery call by emailing: rebecca.hayden@gmail.com

Ridicule & Shaming: Taking Us Further away from a Healthy, Civil Society

Ridicule and shaming are indicators of social disfunction in our society. How did we get here? How did we become a society of people who tolerate and participate in this kind of behaviour? My childhood was chalk full of shaming. It was a consistent aspect of the social atmosphere of both the Catholic school and church experience for me in my early years. Ridicule was also common in my social experience at home and at school from not only siblings and classmates but also teachers and other adults. I guess it’s not surprising that children who are influenced in this way sometimes end up either considering it to be normal or behaving this way themselves, but this influence goes so much further back than that. This is a form of bullying and it’s an ancestral legacy that we are perpetuating but we definitely have an opportunity to end it.  If we choose to do so, it will take awareness, intention and conviction.

How do we form awareness, intention and conviction? We do so through discovering the harm these behaviours cause and the benefits that come from changing them. Part of seeing the harm is to understand how/when this began in our lives, under what circumstances, and how it impacted us. This helps us to get a glimpse of how it may be playing out in our lives today. Once we see this, we form a better understanding of these social dynamics, and with this also comes the innumerable possibilities that could be played out in these scenarios in the absence of this behaviour and its inevitable reactions/repercussions.

My son attended a school that had a very good reputation and had wonderful teachers, but when he began to experience bullying, somehow, things fell apart. In this school, like so many others, there were many posters lining the walls that made statements indicating that the school does not tolerate bullying. There were also days designated as campaign days against this behaviour. On these days, the students were meant to wear certain coloured t-shirts to support this anti-bullying sentiment. Yet, when I called my son’s teacher about the bullying and suggested that we all get together and talk about it – with the kids and their parents – to try to understand what was happening and why, it was not something that was the done thing apparently. This surprised me. The teacher was honest about the reasons – related to her workload – and I know that this is very real that teachers put in a lot of hours both at school and at home. However, it left me with the understanding that this bullying was not going to be addressed. The teacher agreed to keep her eye out and I let my son know this but I knew that this was not a good message to send to him – after all – bullying like this rarely happens in the presence of a teacher, which is why it needs to be reported. What was my son learning through this experience? There was a complete contradiction between the message of the posters and his lived experience. Despite the posters and campaigns, the actual event itself was not considered important enough to make time to discuss and yet his grades were of great importance. Unfortunately, this is not an unusual experience in this world.

When I attended elementary school, bullying was common among both students and teachers, but if the bullying got really bad, teachers at times did bring the students involved ‘to the office’ to discuss it, which was intimidating. There was almost always shaming involved in trying to resolve the matter. Both parents and teachers shamed the child who was doing the bullying to illicit an obligatory apology.  This of course made the child who did the bullying (clearly in need of help) feel even worse and more likely to want to take it out on the child who had been bullied (or themselves – probably both). The child or children who had been bullied were further distressed by all of this and all children involved were learning that this is the way to address/resolve these issues. It was no solution and a clear indication of the social disfunction of the time. Today, in this example with my son, there wasn’t even a discussion, and this is at a time when we are apparently more socially aware of this kind of problem (bullying) and of wellness issues than ever before.

The upshot of this is that, in these meetings of my childhood that were meant to resolve these issues, we really never got to the point where we undersood what was motivating the bullying. We didn’t get to that point, because there wasn’t an open and warm atmosphere within which to do this. Instead, there was more intimidation and bullying (shaming) which only perpetuates this behaviour.  This happens in a subtle way, in adult circles as well. It’s an old inner reaction of defensiveness or learned behaviour that is sparked or ‘triggered’ by something we experience. Then we witness and participate in scenarios where many reactions are played out without ever really getting to the root of the matter because we’re allowing these reactions to dominate the situation rather than leaving room for us to explore inner motivations and to express them outwardly. There are hostile social signals and cues that indicate it’s not safe to do so. Only the most determined and courageous individuals, under these circumstances, manage to tap into and express authentic responses in these situations. This is a powerful thing when it happens and I believe it’s what is changing this world today, little by little, but with immense impact. It has this impact because it changes the tone and possibilities of these situations immediately and that is a wonderful thing to witness and experience. What comes out of these experiences helps us all learn about ourselves and each other and can bring us closer. It gives us all a different kind of behaviour to model and inspires us to explore these possibilities moving forward.

Today we speak of mental health and wellness and I think it’s important to understand what it means to be well so that we may identify ill health, socially, in this regard. When we talk about mental health these days, thankfully, emotional health is often implied but why isn’t it openly stated and demonstrated? I think we’re really in our infancy in understanding what it truly means to be well and this definitely involves everyday behaviour and the way that society functions or disfunctions. I mean, it does function but does that function serve us well and create wellness? Is that what we mean by functioning well? If our body functions well, does that mean that we are well? Are we only bodies in this world?

Unfortunately, I think most systems, institutions and organizations have been set up based on this premise: that we are bodies and brains. It is only recently that emotional abuse has been acknowledged. Now that we acknowledge that this is a concern, let’s try to understand and identify it in our midst. When someone is ridiculed, what is the motivation behind it? Is it habit? It’s more common than we realize and I think all of us can understand and appreciate the reality of social habits. These are strong characteristics of the social dynamic. We become accustomed to the behaviour of those around us and adopt much of it; sometimes, without even being aware of it. This is how mindfulness, or awareness, can play a strong role in making positive social change.

If we took time before reacting in many situations and thought about it or examined our feelings, we probably wouldn’t behave as we sometimes do. When we ridicule others, we shut them down and aren’t really creating that space to understand or appreciate other people’s unique perspective or situation. We are narrowing our social understanding rather than expanding it. Not only is this a form of subtle bullying, which diminishes others, it also reduces the possibilities that may exist in expanding our own intellectual, emotional and social horizons. The more we expand in this way, in understanding or empathizing with others, the more compassion we have in general – for ourselves and for others. When we shut down others by ridiculing them, we create an understanding within ourselves that if we have an opinion or idea, that may be ridiculed by others, it’s not safe to explore it or express it. Imagine how many potentially important ideas get shut down in this way. This is not a progressive or beneficial atmosphere to exist in – inside or out. This is how we know that the way we behave towards others, impacts us as well.

Our current understanding of health and wellness is expanding to include an emotional state of wellbeing. We know that our emotional wellbeing profoundly effects our physical wellbeing. Look up the ACEs study to see the truth of this laid out in a compelling way. Adverse (harmful) early childhood events impact our health for life. That is, unless we actively begin to discover them, heal and change. How many of us, including teachers and leaders in our society, have had some kind of adverse early childhood event that is still unacknowledged and unhealed? Not only do these early experiences ultimately impact our health, in terms of the likelihood of us contracting certain kinds of health conditions in the long term, it also affects our behaviour, which in turn impacts others and makes up our social environment.

In our society, ridicule and shaming is not uncommon.  Our daily political and social world is full of examples of ridicule and shaming which leads so many to follow suit without thinking. It has been normalized. If this is a common element of the social realm of those who lead society, what can we expect of society on the whole in terms of wellbeing? Is this what we want our children to model? We discourage children from bullying, and yet, if they witness us shaming or ridiculing others, we are sending the message that we can say and promote the idea that certain behaviour is not acceptable – bullying in it’s many forms – but it’s ok to continue to behave this way. This contradiction of professed values and behaviour, also becomes normalized. Perhaps it’s time to do the work of dismantling this for all of our sakes. It’s time to be courageous enough, to start to change this and it does take work. It also takes patience and compassion, for ourselves and others. Compassion, patience and openness are powerful tools to use to evolve.

Think of the many people in history who were initially ridiculed (and some imprisoned) for suggesting things like ‘the world is round’ or that the Earth revolves around the sun or the simple fact that for physicians and others, washing hands can save lives. Progress has been thwarted time and again due to the practice of ridiculing which fuelled the widespread rejection of these ideas for so much longer than they would have been if instead they were responded to with open curiosity or at the very least, tolerance. For the love of our children, for the love of ourselves, this world and to create a better atmosphere, inner and outer, let’s consider taking a more open and gentle approach to responding to one another and a more considered approach to evaluating our own reactions.

Imagination, Beliefs & Healing The mind

When I first began to explore the world of shamanism I had been deeply depressed for a very long time and came to a point where I was willing to do anything to relieve my suffering.  I had tried conventional methods of addressing depression but they just led me into a deeper state of despair. I found the idea of being dependent on daily and nightly medications to be extremely disempowering and I struggled with this and other ideas that all related in one way or another to this basic concept of dependency versus personal power.  This period in my life was an important one as it was the beginning of a deeper struggle, one that I had experienced for years in different forms, coming to light. This situation, in and of itself, provided me with an opportunity for growth and like many such opportunities, it was not apparent to me at the time but crystal clear in retrospect.

At the time, I didn’t realize the nature of this deeper struggle but was keenly aware of the struggling itself which became so intense that it motivated me to open up to all possibilities of relieving it. This open state was the key to my own healing. Once I arrived at this open state, I began to find alternatives that I simply wasn’t aware of before because I was not open to them. The first was energy healing, which led me to shamanism, as energy healing has its roots in shamanism. Since I had begun to experience positive change with energy healing, I wanted to know more about it, its roots and the possibilities for deeper healing that shamanism had to offer. At the outset, I just knew that the kinds of concepts I would be introduced to would challenge my existing beliefs, but again, my open state helped me to overcome these challenges, as healing was more important to me than hanging onto my beliefs. Even then, I began to consider the fact that if my beliefs were healthy ones, they would not have led me into such a troubled state.

The idea of spirits and the use of my imagination were both challenges to me and it surprised me how quickly I overcame this. Pain is quite a motivator. I think originally, I regarded the idea of spirits to be as illusive as the idea of God so I just accepted what was being said about them as a possibility outside of my experience at the time and focused more on my own experience. The challenge then was to become acquainted with my own imagination as a vehicle for healing. This required me to think less, which was such a blessing and a beginning of the healing itself but no small task. Thankfully, I was truly desperate to get well and miraculously open which was a gift that paved the way towards achieving my goal.

As it turns out, the world of the imagination was not as foreign to me as I thought it was but it certainly seemed that way to me at the time. We all use our imagination on a daily basis and often in ways that are not serving us. This too was a new concept to me – the idea of self-service. This was a concept that I found far more appealing and it has been a prevalent theme throughout my shamanic experiences. My daily use of my own imagination often happened in ways that were harmful to me. When presented with any number of possibilities, the images and ideas that would come to mind were usually, overwhelmingly negative. I often put up barriers to all kinds of possibilities, which made me feel isolated and discouraged. When I contemplated positive opportunities, my imagination would create all kinds of barriers – seemingly logical and realistic ones – that stymied my attempts at imagining a better life for myself. We think of this as logic or reasoning but really, it was my mind responding to ideas (fuelled by influences past and present) and rationalizing in a negative direction with the use of my own imagination. I imagined all kinds of ‘reasons’ why good things couldn’t or weren’t going to happen to me. They had a life of their own in my mind and I supported this life – this very animated life of seemingly ‘reasonable’ barriers.

In the shamanic world, I was asked to move beyond this kind of thinking and into a creative state that soon, after I practiced and continued to open up, became a two way street. Eventually, it was not just me ‘creating’ although this was powerful enough in and of itself, it also took on a life of its own and became a state of being that offered insights that were presented to me in creative, imaginative ways.  A world of possibilities opened up in this creative, imaginative state in my mind where previously, there was a hostile and very closed environment. I began to work inside this space in my mind to change the environment using my imagination in a different way than the debilitating way I had engaged it previously without knowing it.

Initially, I believed that this creative, imaginative space in my mind was a new place that I was exploring and because it was so different than the one I was accustomed to, it was indeed very new to me but it had been an atmosphere I lived in for a long time. It is a space that I began to know more deeply through further shamanic adventures of my own and through experiences with plant medicines.  Through plant medicine ceremonies, shamanic journeying and spontaneous spiritual experiences after Ayahuasca, I began to understand that the imagery in my mind was a powerful vehicle for healing and change. I had experiences that seemed so strange to me initially, some involving objects being removed from my body and healing energies entering my body taking different shapes and removing bits and pieces within me that I knew represented or were in fact energies that caused problems. When this occurs within ceremony, under the influence of powerful plant medicines, many of us have a sense of the healing that is taking place and experience a ‘knowing’ that we are being changed for the better. When we begin to do these things in our normal state of mind, we can experience doubt.

I had some extraordinary, very animated healing experiences even in my so-called ‘normal’ state of mind and still, I had doubts. I had these doubts at times even after feeling the benefits of these experiences which often came a while afterwards. This led to more doubt but because of the fact that this healing work was becoming a regular part of my life, I allowed the doubt to pass and didn’t invest so deeply in it anymore. I had learned to do this through my shamanic and spiritual practice. This was one of the many gifts that shamanism has taught me – that we have the power to order our thoughts and to choose not to invest in ones that don’t serve us.

I became more and more focused on empowering methods that involved the mind and taking a more active role with respect to my thinking. People often told me that I was ‘too much in my head’ which was true for much of my life. Thinking and the mind was a focus for me and the way I was in my mind was becoming more and more harmful. However, now, coming to peace with my relationship with the mind and the power of it, I sought to use this focus in a positive way. Plant medicines and shamanism helped with this a great deal and continued to improve my life in every way. It was such a unique and personal journey and as Ayahuasca had encouraged me to do, I have been sharing these experiences with others. I felt compelled to help others and yet, I hadn’t come across a way that provided access to that unique inner space and one that resonated with me until I discovered hypnosis.

I say that I ‘discovered’ hypnosis because my preconceptions of it were mostly negative, which is not surprising given how it has been represented for years and often in the media. It has been presented as a tool that offers power to the person using it on or over another. This of course would never have appealed to me in any way because of my deeply held aversion to dependency or control of one over another. So it was very surprising to me to discover that this tool is not only very empowering, it also provides access to that space within that I had become so familiar with through shamanism and plant medicines. I began to discover that there are powerful opportunities to use hypnosis as a protocol to intentionally experience some of the same healings and insights that I had previously experienced spontaneously and through shamanism and plant medicines.

This was quite a revelation as I had been looking for a protocol to help others to experience this self-discovery and self-healing in intentional ways and here it was. There are hypnotic sessions I went through in my training that I had experienced spontaneously through this ongoing relationship with Ayahuasca and shamanism. It is a vehicle to not only explore within but to make changes there for our highest good. We have seen the effects of powerful influences outside of ourselves. Some of these effects are the wounds we are now working to heal. These influences could not have been so impactful unless somewhere inside of us, we allowed this to happen. This is where deep change is possible. We may now agree to become the powerful influence that is the guiding force in our lives. I invite you to go within and discover your own, wise, guiding voice and engage all of your capacities to heal, grow and thrive.

If you would like to learn more about working with me to discover your inner resources through hypnosis, please contact me at rebecca.hayden@gmail.com

Please note, I work remotely via Zoom which will require a computer with a camera and a built-in microphone (which most computers have).

Ayahuasca: The Grandmother Who Helped Me to Become a Better Mother

Ayahuasca is a South American Medicine that takes the form of a tea usually brewed from two different plants but variations abound. Ayahuasca is often referred to as a plant medicine, an entheogen and a ‘teacher plant’. For me, this last description resonates deeply. Ayahuasca is used in ceremonies that are conducted in a shamanic tradition that dates back thousands of years. It is now used also in religious ceremonies and many other kinds of ceremonies that are often influenced to varying degrees by shamanic traditions. It was originally only drank by shamans who would do so as a means to cultivate their own skills as healers, leaders and wisdom keepers. The shaman would drink the brew and ‘journey’ – enter an altered state of consciousness – to gain insight into some issue or to receive guidance as to how a problem or condition might be addressed. Shamans might also do this with many other intentions. There is a whole world of variations when it comes to this practice and the intentions and nature of the shamans involved in it. They are human and come from many different tribes and communities worldwide with varying traditions, histories and ideologies.

Today, there are many people worldwide, many from the West pursuing this form of medicine. People are drinking Ayahuasca and having transformational experiences. There have been many fascinating stories about spiritual visions, physical and emotional healings and profound insights. These are important stories that only begin to scratch the surface of what is possible when we open up to this higher intelligence or source of wisdom – whatever description resonates with you would be the one to follow. If I’ve learned anything through my own extensive experiences with this medicine, it’s to not get hung up on these words.

I pursued plant medicines to address a very deep depression I had been suffering from for years. I had suffered on and off from depression throughout my life to varying degrees and many people can relate to some of the experiences I’d had with it. Then came the deeper version that devastated me. Ultimately, I became reclusive and had shut down. Far too many people can relate to this state these days and I think that this is why people are flocking to the jungle to try the medicine that addresses these conditions very differently than prescriptions that attempt to mask the problem. The reason why shamanic medicine is so unpredictable is because it seeks to address the deeper issues behind the conditions that are actually symptoms telling us that something is wrong. Ayahuasca reveals very clearly just how unique we are and what very personal issues we need to address. It is just the beginning of the healing journey.

Underlying these very personal, unique issues, are some universal messages that deep down, we all know. The message of self-love and of approaching the world with love and that our world is what we make it. These things, deep down, we know are true. What each person needs to understand and address in their own lives so that they may live the truth of these messages, well, that’s the adventure we call the healing path.  It has been and continues to be one of the greatest adventures of my life. In fact, it has turned my life into an adventure because for me, the experience of Ayahuasca continues daily.

In 2013 I began my shamanic training which at that time, did not involve plant medicines. It involved journeying and connecting with a higher level of consciousness that began to teach me about myself which helped me to prepare for my work with plant medicines the following year. In 2015, after having begun my work with plant medicines a year before, I realized the power they held and decided to continue this journey. I had already experienced an African plant medicine called Iboga and as a result of my experience with it, I managed to pull myself out of depression enough to make some huge life changes that took a great deal of energy and courage. Once this was done, I knew that I had only just begun. I explored another powerful plant medicine, Peyote in the Mexican desert and after returning home from this experience, I began to make plans to attend an Ayahuasca retreat in the jungle in Peru. As I began the considerable preparations for this trip, I started to think about the kinds of things I wanted to know. I had enough experience with these medicines to know that there was a phenomenon at work here that provided me with an opportunity for the kind of learning that just wasn’t available to me through any other source. As I wrote down my ‘intentions’ – the things I wanted to accomplish through this retreat which of course were all healing oriented intentions – I also had questions rolling around in my head at this time. These questions pertained to the nature of reality. Was it possible to discover the nature of reality through these experiences?

When I arrived in the jungle, I felt that I had come home. I immediately wanted to go barefoot and after grappling with my own hesitations about doing this the ants came to the rescue. They took over my shoes which forced me to go barefoot for three days. I loved this experience. I loved the feel of my feet connecting with the earth through the soft jungle floor. I loved the lizards and the frogs and the atmosphere of wonder all around me. I loved the warmth of the people and the mystery surrounding the medicine experience. I loved the hug that Ayahuasca gave me when she showed up in my first experience in the form of a large, magnificent insect with wings and six legs that she used to give me a warm and thorough embrace.

A dialogue quickly began between us which started with her response to the question I had in my mind about the nature of reality weeks earlier while I was writing out my intentions for this retreat. It was my first lesson in a way. Before the retreat, I was writing out the kinds of intentions I thought I should have but in my mind, my deeper desire and natural curiosity about reality was what Ayahuasca responded to. Our thoughts are powerful and Ayahuasca responds to them. In fact, I have come to understand that our experiences in life are very responsive in this way. While in ceremony, it soon became clear that my connection with Ayahuasca had existed for quite a long time before this first night of drinking the brew. Ayahuasca, which is often experienced as a feminine presence and referred to as the ‘Mother’ or ‘Grandmother’, took me into a dream that I had a long time ago and showed me that we had interacted in that dream, much like we were doing in ceremony. Our dialogue continued throughout the two weeks that I was there in the jungle and thus began my real education. Little did I know then that this would become my new, everyday reality.

After returning home, I was in the shower looking at my feet, and contemplating something one of the facilitators had told me while I was in the jungle. The facilitator had noticed that I was going barefoot and she told me that we have more pores in our feet than anywhere else on our body. I was thinking of this interesting fact in the shower while looking at my feet and suddenly I heard “that’s how they knew how to get home”. It was an Ayahuasca moment. I knew that I was receiving a history lesson (something that often happens in ceremony) about how early indigenous people navigated their world. My dialogue with Ayahuasca had commenced again and continued daily (and nightly) for me ever since.

It’s one thing to receive lessons, insights, wisdom and advice while in ceremony in the jungle and quite another to receive these on the spot lessons while living your life and making all of the ‘mistakes’ that we often make in the course of a day. Of course they aren’t really mistakes and that’s one of the many lessons that I continue to learn. I’m grateful to have this guidance in my life but it is an enormous challenge at times and although I would never wish it away, it has often been something I felt I couldn’t quite live up to. These are the kinds of thoughts that I am learning to dismiss in favour of being more self-supportive so that my life is a reflection of this more self-loving state. One of the responses Ayahuasca gave me to the question of the nature of reality was “Your reality is due to your state”. Ever since then, we’ve been working together on improving my state and in so doing, improving my reality.

In the following weeks and months, I discovered that not only did my state affect my own reality, it affected my son’s reality profoundly. This was one of the great motivations I had to heal – so that I could become a better mother to my son. I had been depressed on and off since he was born and fell into a deeper and deeper depression during his early years. I had a harrowing experience in the hospital both during his birth and afterwards. At one point, I knew that there was a chance that I wouldn’t leave the hospital if I didn’t take matters into my own hands. When I did, things improved to the point where I could leave the hospital and finally be with my newborn son who had been separated from me at birth. I experienced that very same conviction just before I began to move out of my depression – I had to take matters into my own hands.

I had been living separately from my son’s father for six months before I took my trip to Peru and our son was living with each of us half the time. It was a huge adjustment for all of us and I now had the greatest support of all – the support of the Grandmother. At the beginning, I had to take matters in hand in terms of letting my son know that I was his mother and that he needed to acknowledge me as a firmly guiding presence in his life. This was not easy as I had been so much in the background before then, while I was ill, and all I wanted to do was to be with him in a way that was not so challenging. That wasn’t working out so well as I discovered and the challenges were going to be there regardless of how hard I tried to ignore them.

Both my son and I went through a long and ever changing period of growth together. It was humbling, rewarding and astonishing as I was continually guided through these changes. It continues to this day but becomes different as we grow. I always let my son know that I’m learning too and growing with him. Never in my life have I felt more like a child than I have since the presence of Ayahuasca entered my life. I’m constantly learning about things I need to do differently and asked to be compassionate with myself about what I perceive as ‘mistakes’. I am continually encouraged to do better and always counselled with love. I pass this onto my son as much as I can so really, I am both child and parent.

I became a better parent when I began to recognize my own need to learn and grow and to acknowledge when I was doing things that were not helping me to move in the direction I wanted to go. I’ve passed these lessons onto my son and this takes time, conviction and patience. Time is something that parents seem to have less and less of in the kind of 9-5, highly scheduled life that has been the norm for so long but now, many of us have an opportunity to create a different schedule. I never went back to that 9-5 schedule after plant medicines and my life and relationships improved substantially as a result.

I’ve had to prioritize time over schedule to accomplish some of the things I needed to do to teach my son in a way that I felt good about. It came to the point where I knew that punishing my son (in any way) was not only ineffective, there was a reason that I felt so bad about it. After the insights I had gleaned from delving into my own issues that were born out of my past, I realized that I was laying down the blueprints for my son’s future relationships. Would I punish him for doing something that was ‘wrong’ or would I sit down with him and have a discussion that could teach him in a way that helped him to discover that this behaviour did not serve him? I was being gently guided in a loving way and I was certainly going to do this with my son no matter how much it might interfere with a schedule I had no hand in creating. Time to begin to create a new schedule.

As a parent, when I became involved in addressing my son’s behaviour, I was surprised at the power of the pull towards mimicking my parent’s methods. This happened sometimes before I had a chance to think. My mother’s or father’s words would come straight out of my mouth in response to something my son was doing and it was frightening. I began to wonder how often this had happened with my parents too. After all, they had five children. Did they ever really have the time to reflect on any of this? I know that once they took time out it was for each other, to save their marriage and in the end, I know that they did this for us too. Even so, there were repercussions. Taking time for themselves (which translated into ultimately helping others in similar situations) meant that they were away many weekends during which my older brothers had free reign at home and they were not ready for this responsibility to say the least.

I know that I’m not alone in struggling at times to achieve a healthy balance between the needs of parent and child. Not everyone’s needs are the same and that’s the reason why it’s sometimes difficult to achieve this balance in a system that is normative based. What this spiritual grandmother has taught me is that if I base my future behaviour on what I considered to be normal in my past, I was not going to grow (or thrive for that matter). The simplicity of these lessons is one of the many humbling aspects of this journey. However, easy as it seems, what’s difficult is applying it in your life when all around you, the norm prevails. This is where the warrior steps in.

Many use the term warrior to describe those of us who have embarked on this unique journey of personal growth.  I balked at this term initially but as the challenges presented themselves, one after another, I began to warm to the concept. How else was I to describe the strength it took to continue when everything seemed to be against me except for these words of wisdom and this deep, aching desire for change? It takes courage to continue on this path and this is why I now embrace the concept of the warrior. Mostly it’s a courageous aspect of myself that acknowledges the battle within the mind and within oneself. To me, the warrior represents the strength it takes to move through the changes that are required to achieve a better state. Instead of focusing on what isn’t working, I’m asked to focus on creating what I do want and to move towards it in my mind, in my heart and in my actions. Essentially, I’m asked to be the change I want to see in the world and in my life. If I ask my son to do this, I must be willing to show him how it’s done and to admit it when I find myself veering off the path.

It’s been and continues to be a challenging, rewarding and magical journey with mother and grandmother Ayahuasca. It tests my endurance, courage and strength but always gives me more strength, courage and a greater capacity to endure and most importantly a greater capacity to love. The nature of the education I have received and continue to receive from Ayahuasca goes beyond pedagogy and becomes a sort of way of life. Our lives are the ceremony if we open up to this possibility. This whole experience of life is an opportunity to learn and grow which often involves moving beyond the conventions set down before us and creating more dynamic lives that reflect and honour our unique individuality. Our lives can be an expression of love and respect for ourselves that radiates outward. I’m convinced that this is what will really change the world for the better. If we intend to make positive change in this world, we must begin with ourselves.

If you would like to learn more about working with me to delve within, heal and grow, please contact me at rebecca.hayden@gmail.com to arrange for a free discovery call.

Coming Out

When I came out about my Ayahuasca experiences it felt like such a dramatic step, probably because it was. I had not been on Facebook socially for years and had been so isolated that it was a shock to the senses to even contemplate this kind of personal exposure to the masses in general let alone coming out with such a wild story. But this was only the beginning for me.

First I had to get over my own misgivings about talking openly about my experiences – sorting through them and understanding them. Did my misgivings have to do with the stigma around ‘drugs’? Or was it the stigma of others’ preconceived notions about spirits? Talking plants? Inner voices? There were many things I had to consider myself before coming out in a way that didn’t reflect my own inner barriers.

I had to sort out how I felt about it and I did that initially through writing about it and exploring my thoughts and attitudes about all of it as I went. This was a valuable process in and of itself as it taught me a lot about myself and helped bring to the surface some unhealthy attitudes that had to change – not just to help facilitate my ‘coming out’ but to help support this new, more healthy person I was becoming.

Once I had worked through a lot of my own ideas about it, I wanted to focus on the outcome of these experiences – the inspirational stuff – the stuff that all human beings can connect with and are looking for: peace, insight, connectedness, wholeness, healing, wellness & meaning. These were the most important pieces of the story and talking honestly (for me) about where I was at before I had plant medicine experiences. These were the aspects of the experience that others could identify with and there were elements of this story that held so much promise for what others wanted in their lives and what they could achieve. It was the same with me when I heard others speak about these experiences. I knew there was something there for me but I didn’t realize the full extent to which this experience would change me and continue to change me in ways that were not always comfortable to say the least.

Another thing I had to consider was my own motivations for telling my story (other than the fact that Ayahuasca was urging me to do so ;-). I have heard others speak about things (especially spiritual or even ‘cures’ or natural remedies) where their attachment to outcome came through so strongly, it turned me off. I felt their agenda and rejected what they had to say not because of the content but because of this control factor. It was uncomfortable. So, I had to figure this out about myself. Did I have an agenda? What was my purpose in telling my story? Did it come from an attachment to a desired outcome or was it because I had a more authentic motivation? Did it matter whether or not people believed me? That was a big one. For me, at the beginning, I was so moved by what had happened to me that I felt a deep and natural desire to express it. In the heart of my experience with plant medicines, there was a truth that was so profound it deserved to be expressed. That was all. However, I had to take the journey of exploring all of the other things to get to the point where I could do this and I grew through that explorative journey. It was an integrative process. I confronted my inner barriers and discovered the reasons behind my concerns about what people might think. I explored my own ideas about plants, spirituality etc before and after plant medicines and made that part of my coming out story. That part was authentically me – a person who thrives on exploration of these matters. It’s not necessarily everyone else. If it wasn’t part of who I was, it may have come off more like I was defending some uncontested story.

So, coming out is a journey and for some of us, it may require some prep. If we search ourselves for any agendas or fears, this prep can be an opportunity for some personal growth and healing. What I have discovered is that there’s very little, if anything in life that doesn’t present this opportunity.

Personal Growth & Healing Through Hypnosis

The word ‘hypnosis’ often conjures up images of stage performances where people end up clucking like chickens in front of an audience. What does that have to do with personal growth & healing? More than you think. Although hypnosis stage acts may be performed for entertainment purposes, the possibilities that exist within the process behind the act are endless when applied in creative ways for the purpose of healing and assisting us along the path of personal growth.

When we begin to work at improving our lives, our relationships and achieving our goals, we often discover that the real barriers to achieving these goals are not external, they are internal. For those of us who make these discoveries and embark on the path of personal growth, we also learn that much of the harmful programming that was instrumental in creating these inner barriers, began and took hold at a very young age. Most of us are by now, well acquainted with the concept of childhood programming and it’s effects. Throughout early childhood (especially from 0 to 7 years old) we learned things about ourselves and our world that created beliefs and attitudes that affect our outlook and self-esteem to this day.

As it turns out, a lot of this early programming occurred when our brains were in the ‘Theta’ state. This ‘Theta’ state happens when we begin to fall asleep, intermittently throughout the night and before we fully wake. This state is also available to us through hypnosis, which provides amazing opportunities for us to make changes to deeply imbedded programming. In addition to changing our programming, we also have an opportunity, through hypnosis, to access self-knowledge. This can be truly transformative.

If we’re going to make big and lasting changes in our lives, we need to know more about the most crucial and consistent aspect of all of our lived experiences: ourselves. Many philosophers and spiritual leaders over the years have made reference to innate knowledge or the understanding of the soul. They believed that all knowledge exists within us. Hypnosis is a gateway to this innate self-understanding that helps us to improve ourselves and in so doing, to improves our lives. This deeply held awareness is the key to unlock our greatest potential.

I’m sure many of us have heard the phrase “Everything you need is inside of you”. As it turns out, this is true and hypnosis is a powerful way to access these inner resources and to use them to change our lives in profound ways. Contrary to popular belief, hypnosis is an empowering tool. Instead of controlling us, hypnosis allows us to explore and change the kinds of beliefs and programming that controlled us for years. This powerful process of self-discovery & healing transforms our inner environment, which reflects outward and impacts our lived experience in meaningful ways.

Although there were powerful influences in our lives when we were children, the power that these influences continue to exert over us is internal. We have internalized these attitudes, beliefs and ideas and this is where change is possible. We have the key. Even our impressions of the past can be altered if we’re open to change. The intention to explore this inner environment is a powerful first step in making these changes a reality.

To discover more about personal transformation through hypnosis, please email me at rebecca.hayden@gmail.com

Please note, I work remotely via Zoom so you will require a computer with a camera and a built-in microphone (which most computers have).

Round World Taking Shape

My son was chatting away to me as I went about some tasks and caught only a bit of what he said when he said “..in a round world..” and suddenly I perked up. I asked him about it and he explained, I realized that he was talking about a video game with a race called ‘Around the world’. “Oh” I said, a little deflated. I told him that I had been excited when I thought he said “in a round world” because I had suddenly imagined this cool story about a ‘round world’. You know, where there are all of these round people, rolling everywhere. My son caught on immediately and we both giggled about this concept so we continued with it in a sort of story telling game that we made up years before when shopping became tedious for him. I began to tell him a story – making it up as I went – and we agreed that we would share the story telling. So I would begin and he would tell the next bit and so on until we came up with a spectacular ending.

So, this story began with a round world, with round, rolling people whose babies literally bounced! But of course, there was one person who didn’t fit in.. Fred.. he was square. He had lots of round friends who would help to ‘roll’ him to parties and events and they accepted him but outside of that circle of friends, there wasn’t as much acceptance of him and his unique shape. My son took over the story and told about Fred’s childhood and how he was teased by some of the round students in school. And that now, as an adult, he came across these same people who he used to think of as ‘bullies’ making fun of a.. he couldn’t believe it.. there stood a triangular female! They were making jokes like “I’ll bet you don’t get around much!” In comes Fred who was taking all of this in and interrupts by patting one of his old classmates on the back “I remember you..” They all turned around, surprised to see their old school mate. Fred was looking, surprised as well at this wonderfully unique female. Fred said directly to her, “They wouldn’t understand someone as unique as you.” As those who were gathered around her parted, Tina, the triangular woman came forward to join Fred. They walked and talked and got to know one another better.

Of course they married! And then set about making a trip ‘around the world’ looking for other uniquely shaped people to hear their stories and combine their skills to help one another and to demonstrate their own unique abilities. As time went on, more and more round people began to mingle more and more with people of different shapes and the world was richer for it. Eventually, Fred and Tina had their first child who was shaped like a soccer ball (technically called a truncated icosahedron). This girl had many facets and could roll and bounce! She also had many magical gifts and the word soon got out about these gifts and many people came to see her and to experience these gifts for themselves. In her presence, people felt like they began to understand themselves better and felt an overwhelming sense of love. Soon they understood that this love was really who they were.

Then they had a boy who was a decahedron…. He was the fastest creature in this world and spread joy throughout the world. This was a rare gift that spread even faster once it caught on. It had been in short supply in this world so everyone welcomed this refreshing presence that was changing the world for the better.

Eventually, the people in this round world realized how much they were missing before they began to fully appreciate all of the different shapes and possibilities of their world. This was the greatest gift of all. Now, adults and children grew in a different way, they discovered how they all fit in as they appreciated their differences and how those differences created a sort of beautiful eco system within their community. All of this growing helped change this round world for the better and it still is today.

I was Praying To The Wrong Gods. A LESSON IN FOCUS.

Yesterday as I was doing some cleaning, I began to contemplate some problems that I wanted to resolve when this wise, guiding voice entered my mind (as it has often for years now) and said “You’re praying to the wrong Gods”. I then received an insight, which was really a lesson about focus. It was helping me to recognize that I was focusing on (i.e. ‘praying to’) the wrong things. This message was delivered in such a creative way that it completely captured my attention. I was a captive audience for this latest lesson, which was a lesson I have received before in many different forms but somehow now was the time to receive it in this particular way. Reinforcement of these lessons is always a good thing.

I have experienced many stages throughout my path of personal growth and the more open I become, the more I learn and change for the better. Yesterday, I was thinking about my problems in an open enough way for me to receive this insight. There was room for it to happen. Fear makes it difficult to be open and the things I was focusing on were driving me into a state of fear. Thankfully, the guiding voice intervened before I went too far into fear which would have closed me down. Once I received this initial message, I began to think about the Greek and Roman Gods I had learned about in school and through independent reading, and I wondered if our ancestors received these kinds of messages too. I began to think about the kind of ‘Gods’ I would ‘pray’ to and sure enough, these interesting figures appeared in my mind when I thought about things like good relationships, prosperity and so on. I had created and/or connected to a ‘God’ for each of these concepts. I now know that although things do present themselves to me out of the blue like this wise voice, my responses and this interaction can become a creative one, which is also a lesson in manifestation and how we create our own reality.

The point is, for the rest of the day, instead of thinking about my problems and how to resolve them, I began to open up to solutions. My focus was no longer on problems or strategies, it was on the feelings of achieving the things I wished to and being in a better state to receive insights aligned with this better state. It may seem like a subtle difference but it’s not. My old Gods were the Gods of problems – I was ‘praying’ to lack of this or that. I’m now praying to the Gods of love, prosperity, peace, health, joy, energy and inspiration. When my mind begins to spend time focusing on these things or these ‘Gods’, my mood changes for the better and I’m sure my health does too – heart rate and so on. I’m sending a signal out to the world that indicates my intentions more clearly.

From all of my experience through my dialogue with this wise, higher level of consciousness that has been readily available to me since my first Ayahuasca retreat, I began to realize that there’s a whole other form of communication that is available to all of us. It’s a form of communication that takes place in the mind and goes out into the world. We’re all participating in that dialogue, we just aren’t necessarily aware of it. Becoming aware of it is an empowering thing because suddenly, we have a new way of operating intentionally in this life. I shudder to think of the messages I had been sending out into the world when I was depressed. I know these messages all too well and I was so steeped in them that I don’t think there was room for the kinds of insights I receive now. However, that long-term depression I entered into years ago led me to the plant medicines and tools that serve me very well to this day. In the end, I was grateful for that difficult time which led me to the path I’m on now. Where I was then was just as valid and important as where I am now.

During this long, unfolding path of personal growth, I have received many messages and insights regarding the mind and how to change the atmosphere of the mind. Every stage of this work has it’s own tone and purpose.  The work that needed to be done three years ago was different than what needs to happen now. I would be introduced to these concepts in different ways depending on the state I was in. This message yesterday was such a playful one and I had a delightful time reaching out to these new ‘Gods’ in my mind and seeing what my imagination and higher consciousness produced in response. What I can say is that my day became a lot more fun and my outlook improved substantially.

Outlook is important. We look out into the world through a lens and although my lens continues to improve, it still does, at times, become clouded with older habits – mild as they are, they still have impact. Yesterday, I had a lens cleaning as I was cleaning my home and was provided with some new, creative filters. My new Gods of Love, Peace, Energy, Health and Prosperity are now filling my mind and although I will try to focus on them one at a time, I know that they are all available to me. I simply have to give them an opportunity to be there and replace the Gods of problems, conflict and all of the other things I don’t wish to fill my mind, my life and my world. I must allow these other Gods to exit my mind. The re-organization of my mind is an ongoing process I have engaged in and approached in different ways for years now and my life has changed for the better as a result.

Throughout my experiences with this higher consciousness, a consistent theme has presented itself over and over again, which is that the nature of our experience in this world is a responsive one. The experience we have in this life is one that is constantly adjusting and responding to our state. My very first, burning question for Ayahuasca was “What is the nature of reality?”. Her response: “Reality is flexible.” “Your reality is due to your state.” Thinking about this now, I realize that spending time thinking about and reaching out to the Gods of Love, Joy, Prosperity, Health, Creativity and Peace improved my state immensely. Is it all just imagination? It could be. And what an incredibly powerful tool it is! All of the solid things we rely on today originated in the imagination before they were created. Our imagination has the power to create. Imagine the world we would live in if we created from the state of Love?

I believe that all of these Gods are available to everyone and if you open up to them, they may present themselves in ways that are very unique to who you are. Instead of reaching out in your mind to the Gods of love, prosperity and health, you may prefer to imagine these realities unfolding in your life. This is where these ‘prayers’ ultimately lead while dissolving these other less pleasant ‘Gods’. If you make room for them, they may change your mind and your outlook for the better. If you’re not ready to embrace these positive ‘Gods’ just now, be gentle with yourself and know that they are available to you when you are ready.

Hypnosis & Psychedelic/Plant Medicine Integration

From the earliest stages of my foray into shamanism, my intention was to heal and the first message or insight I received in response to my intention was “everything you need is inside of you”. It’s not an original notion but I didn’t take it as seriously as I began to once I embarked on the shamanic path of healing which ultimately involved plant medicines and psychedelics. It was an essential theme for inner work and personal growth that helped me to put my focus where it needed to be – within. That was 10 years ago and it has served me well. I have experienced many plant medicines, psychedelics, shamanic healings/retreats and used many tools along the way and all of them confirmed the fact that changing from within was the most powerful way to change my life experience for the better.

I then began to search for the best tool to help others to do this kind of work. I searched for something that resonated with me and that honoured this most essential theme of focusing within to bring about changes in one’s life. I was very surprised to discover that hypnosis answered this description and served as the ultimate tool for plant medicine and psychedelic integration. Like many, I often perceived hypnosis as a disempowering practice that was used to control others but this was a misconception. In fact, I had many misconceptions about psychedelics, spirituality and even shamanism as well, probably due to how it was represented in the media and in other ways that I had been exposed to throughout my life. What a revelation it was to discover how empowering and transformative hypnosis could be! It was a pleasant surprise and I still marvel at the power of it and how much it has changed so many people’s lives for the better including my own.

After studying and working with hypnosis the shamanic applications of it were so evident, it seems to me now that it must have been inspired by the ancient practice of shamanic journeying and meditation. In my experience and practice, hypnosis is a powerful combination of both and it’s the ideal integration method. Hypnosis can be used as a tool of self-discovery, which allows us to not only deeply explore our inner world but to begin to heal it. It allows us to discover inner programming and to change it for the better. It can also serve to facilitate a connection to higher consciousness to gain invaluable insights and this has unlimited potential. Sound familiar? It is very much like the experiences we have with plant medicines and psychedelics. In fact, it’s possible to revisit psychedelic and plant medicine experiences through hypnotic journeying. It’s a fascinating and transformative experience as it reveals to us our own unlimited potential and helps us to continue the journey we began with plant medicines and psychedelics. It is also a practice that we can begin to cultivate and do independently. As any truly empowering tool does, it engenders a sense of personal power, personal responsibility and unlimited possibilities.

Hypnosis testimonials

“If it wasn’t for the undeniable synchronicities that led me to Rebecca, I wouldn’t have imagined myself as someone to seek out counselling or therapy. I place a lot of faith in meditation and self-guided practises, and believe the answers we seek are present within ourselves – we don’t need to seek them from external sources. While this has served me vey well for many difficult years of my life, I recognized that I had reached a point where I was stuck and couldn’t identify what it was that was holding me back. After a couple of sessions with Rebecca I felt my mind had been gently trained to free itself from the many busy thoughts that hold us back from connecting with our subconscious self. I was able to tap into deeper states of relaxation that facilitated the deep inner work, which helped reveal the self-limiting beliefs I had around wealth and influence. Rebecca was very intuitive in guiding my inward journey, and very gentle in helping me embrace more wholesome and empowering ideologies. To help me continue realigning my beliefs while outside of our sessions, she provided me with guided self-hypnosis recordings that I could play anytime through the day, and particularly before bed. These powerful personalized recordings were designed very thoughtfully and thoroughly, and very soon I started to experience a generalized sense of wellness and confidence. As I continue my sessions and continue to peel back the layers of the onion that is my psyche, I want to express my gratitude for the transformative work Rebecca is doing through her hypnosis sessions!”

                                                                    Dr. Vedant Arun, Medical Bio-Physicist

“I worked with Rebecca in Hypnotherapy in fall 2019. In the sessions, I was able to feel peace and even have healing experiences. Rebecca is very knowledgeable in her craft and able to integrate her other plant medicine experiences as part of the coaching experience as well. She is very patient and open minded, providing a safe and comfortable space for me to freely explore and experience. Her voice is very soothing and led me into a trance that I wasn’t able to experience before. If you are interested in trying hypnotherapy, you will be in great hands with Rebecca. I also thoroughly enjoy her podcast as it can be a very good complement to her sessions. Happy journeying!”

Lu Wang, Business Consultant

I have been working with Rebecca for about 6 months at this point. I initially came to her for help with longer-term integration of my experiences with plant medicines. After a couple of rough journeys, I was actually fairly terrified of the whole process, and was reassured by listening to her podcasts.

After our first communications led me to ask for guidance and help via (remote) hypnotherapy, her compassionate presence and her insight helped me feel wonderfully supported as I continued to explore the process and broader journey. Her heartfelt efforts have helped me to gain both more understanding of and peace with the path I’m on. Specifically, she’s helped me to feel the loving side of the Grandmother, and helped prepare me for journeys by teaching self-hypnosis to improve my focus on intentions.

Her techniques are grounded and heartfelt, and her openness and compassion are palpable. Rebecca helps me to bridge my rather concrete allopathic training with these experiences, and to improve that which is my daily practice of living. I’m grateful for having found her and for the experiences she’s led me through, and looking forward to further exploration and growth.

Internist, Texas

If you are interested in working with me to discover your inner resources through hypnosis, please contact me at rebecca.hayden@gmail.com

Please note, I work remotely via Zoom which will require a computer with a camera and a built-in microphone (which most computers have).