Tag: Self-love

Personal Growth & Healing Through Hypnosis

The word ‘hypnosis’ often conjures up images of stage performances where people end up clucking like chickens in front of an audience. What does that have to do with personal growth & healing? More than you think. Although hypnosis stage acts may be performed for entertainment purposes, the possibilities that exist within the process behind the act are endless when applied in creative ways for the purpose of healing and assisting us along the path of personal growth.

When we begin to work at improving our lives, our relationships and achieving our goals, we often discover that the real barriers to achieving these goals are not external, they are internal. For those of us who make these discoveries and embark on the path of personal growth, we also learn that much of the harmful programming that was instrumental in creating these inner barriers, began and took hold at a very young age. Most of us are by now, well acquainted with the concept of childhood programming and it’s effects. Throughout early childhood (especially from 0 to 7 years old) we received impressions about ourselves and our world that created beliefs and attitudes that affect our outlook and self-esteem to this day.

As it turns out, a lot of this early programming occurred when our brains were in the ‘Theta’ state. This ‘Theta’ state happens not only during early childhood, it happens when we begin to fall asleep, intermittently throughout the night and before we fully wake. This state is also available to us through hypnosis, which provides amazing opportunities for us to make changes to deeply imbedded programming. In addition to changing our programming, we also have an opportunity, through hypnosis, to access self-knowledge. This can be truly transformative.

If we’re going to make big and lasting changes in our lives, we need to know more about the most crucial and consistent aspect of all of our lived experiences: ourselves. Many philosophers and spiritual leaders over the years have made reference to innate knowledge or the understanding of the soul. They believed that all knowledge exists within us. Hypnosis is a gateway to this innate self-understanding that helps us to improve ourselves and in so doing, to improves our lives. This deeply held awareness is the key to unlock our greatest potential.

I’m sure many of us have heard the phrase “Everything you need is inside of you”. As it turns out, this is true and hypnosis is a powerful way to access our inner resources and to use them to change our lives in profound ways. Contrary to popular belief, hypnosis is an empowering tool. Instead of controlling us, hypnosis can allow us to explore and change the kinds of beliefs and programming that controlled us for years. This powerful process of self-discovery & healing transforms our inner environment, which reflects outward and impacts our lived experience in meaningful ways.

Although there were powerful influences in our lives when we were children and during our ‘formative years’, the power that these influences continue to exert over us is internal. We have internalized these attitudes, beliefs and ideas and this is where change is possible. We have the key. Even our impressions of the past can be altered if we’re open to change. The intention to explore this inner environment is a powerful first step in making these changes a reality.

To discover more about personal transformation through hypnosis, please email me at reach.rebecca@me.com

Please note, I work remotely via Zoom so you will require a computer with a camera and a built-in microphone (which most computers have).

Self-Love: The Intrinsic Value Of Us

It’s interesting to note how we tend to value human life intrinsically when it is brand new – babies being born into this world – or when it is almost over – people on their death beds. In these two instances, as babies and on the brink of death, we are the closest to an existence beyond this one. From all accounts of those who have had near death experiences, who have visited the existence beyond the one we know so well, it is understood that all of us have great value. This value is experienced in the form of a love so profound and permeating that no one wants to leave that loving existence and return to this one. So how do we as human beings, lose our sense of self-value and love? It happens in so many ways on an individual and societal level, and I think it starts when we place value on what a person does or doesn’t do above who they are. As children, the focus on our accomplishments is rather high, beginning with when we begin to talk and walk and then school, lessons and measurements of all sorts. It’s possible to lose our sense of self-value in focusing so much on what we’re ‘good at’ or ‘not good at’ and how we measure up to others – the comparisons can be disturbing and relentless. There is also valuing ourselves based on what we do for others – how we benefit others as a measurement of self-worth as though our only value is in what we offer to others apart from the simple, intrinsic value of who we are. Children pick up on all of these signals related to value, which is often focused on appearance, abilities and certain kinds of accomplishments. It’s how things have been for so many years, generation after generation. Perhaps we can change that now.

I have been focusing inward a great deal over the past 10 years after my initial foray into shamanic healing and I have learned that self-love is a fundamental aspect of well-being. More and more people are becoming aware of this profound truth, which is a sign of positive change and hopefully it signals a generational shift that bodes well for the future of humanity. There is a refreshing wave of interest in self-love and yet, many still struggle with this concept because of the influence of the past and the continuing and residual attitudes that permeate our society. I think that for many of us, self-love is a concept that takes some effort and consideration to embrace let alone to embody. After all, many of us have come from backgrounds filled with praise for being ‘selfless’. It was quite a revelation to me to begin to operate from a position of ‘self-service’, which has been an essential theme throughout my shamanic healing journey.  I found it surprising and ultimately liberating to embrace ‘what serves me’ realizing that some things that I had considered to be self-serving in the past, were not truly serving me at all. However, at the heart of this, if I am to truly master it, is self-love, which requires an appreciation for our intrinsic value – my intrinsic value. I’ve sat with it and considered it and just allowed the lessons to come realizing that like many of the shifts I’ve experienced on this journey, it takes time to make the big changes in perspective – to own them, apply them and embody them.

I think the greatest opportunity for me to truly come to terms with the idea of our intrinsic value came when my dad was at the end of his life. He had been in long term care for years before the end came and when it did, I had a deeply moving dream about a month beforehand. My dreams have become important healing and teaching tools since my earliest involvement in shamanism and some stand out more than others. This dream woke me up in the middle of the night and inspired me to record the message that came with it because it was so important. In fact, it was my father’s eulogy and I was giving it in my dream with the guidance of this wise voice that I have been hearing ever since my first journey with Ayahuasca in Peru. During this eulogy, there were accounts of some of my dad’s finer attributes but it became clear that these descriptions: kind, handsome, funny & gentle could be attributed to many other people. So what was it about my dad that made him so valuable and lovable? It was quite simply who he was. That unmistakable and unique essence of the man we knew and loved so well. There was a clear recognition of his intrinsic value. We knew this without question as we grieved and thought about his life and the time we shared with him. Could we know this without question about ourselves too? This ultimate truth about all of us that others will experience when we pass? Through this dream and the eulogy that I actually gave at his funeral, my father offered me a most valuable lesson that I’m passing onto you.

This is a powerful lesson and recognizing the power of it and the simple truth of it is important. One of the deepest truths that I have learned through this ever-present guiding voice and through many shamanic ceremonies and experiences is that who we are and how we regard ourselves is felt by others without us even saying a word. Our self regard is felt and it’s a signal that we send out into the world that is being responded to all the time. So, if we regard ourselves with love, we are creating the best possible experience for ourselves in this life. Once we become accustomed to experiencing self-love and valuing ourselves in this way, we can cultivate a society that recognizes the intrinsic value of humanity which will be reflected in all kinds of positive ways that will begin to change how we exist – how we educate children for example which can change everything. After all, if we place such value and importance on ourselves then we will place importance on learning about ourselves in the earliest stages of our lives – something that has been a giant gap in our education so far. I think we have a lot of work to do to bring this great shift about but I do believe it’s underway and it’s a sort of progressive, intentional evolution – one that must begin on an individual level. It all begins with self-love. Who knew that this could be such a learning curve? But it is and once we face this and intentionally take it on, we can begin to learn and embrace what it means to recognize our own intrinsic value, knowing the profound impact it can have on our own lives, on the next generation and on our world. Just think of how many aspects of our society would change if self-love was a core value that had to be considered and adhered to – before making any policy or product or program. Make no mistake, loving yourself and recognizing your intrinsic value is important work. I hope you begin this work today and open up to all of the wondrous possibilities that come with it.

Moving from Punishment to Compassion

Throughout my long journey of healing from depression, I have been learning about the things I need to change within myself. It’s been a challenging, immeasurably rewarding and highly educational experience. It has been a process that has taught me more about myself and about humanity than I could have learned in any other way. I have always been drawn to and moved by Philosophy (the love of wisdom) so this process is feeding a very deep need in me and I’m always wanting to learn more. I know without a doubt that this is where I was meant to be, on this path of learning, and it took depression to ultimately lead me here.

One of the reasons why it’s so challenging to learn about the things that I need to change is that I, like many others, have to contend with an inner (and sometimes outer) kneejerk defensive reaction that wants to protect myself from any kind of accusation of wrong doing. If something needs to change, there needs to be an understanding of what that is and why it needs to change. This is often where the defense mechanism kicks in and this defensive reaction has everything to do with having been immersed in a punishment oriented world for so long – one that breeds this defensiveness in so many of us. The defense is a means of avoiding punishment (a sort of survival instinct). Whether it’s physical, disciplinary punishment (my parents were big softies when it came to this actually) or more of a constant series of responses that indicate how underserving a person is who has ‘done wrong’, it’s a pattern underlying typical social behaviour in our world beginning from early childhood. It is both formal in some instances (reprimands/discipline of children or legal action/jail for adults) and informal in others (social shaming, exclusion and an endless nuanced form of passive aggression). It’s a pervasive pattern that becomes internalized. The continued internal self-punishment and admonishment supports the ongoing external version – that which we apply to others – often in the form of judgement.

On a personal level, when you disparage someone else in your own mind for doing something that is considered to be wrong, you are reinforcing that tendency to punish. This strengthens the punishment reaction so that it becomes alive and well in the mind. Unfortunately, this inner tendency towards punishment is most often directed at yourself because you are the person you live with 24hrs a day. This is really what’s behind the old standing piece of wisdom: ‘When you hurt others, you’re only hurting yourself’. As it turns out, this has merit.

Punishment is a deterrent to personal growth and most importantly to unconditional self-love, which is an imperative for well-being. Because of the anticipation of punishment, defensiveness is justified as ‘self-protection’. This act of self-protection can be mistaken for an act of self-love. It is not. The defense itself is actually based on a false assumption that we can only be loved or be worthy of love if/when we don’t ‘do wrong’ or that if we ‘do wrong things’, we’re not entitled to or deserving of love – even if temporarily. It’s such an old, familiar and damaging paradigm and tearing this down can be extremely liberating. It can be both a beginning and an end: the beginning of compassion and an end to suffering.

It has been a mandatory part of my healing and growth to exercise compassion with myself and with others. Compassion is something that I have learned to nurture within. At times it’s utterly inspired and I am at peace. At others, it takes a supreme effort and I have to remind myself of the wisdom of this approach and of its constant rewards. The rewards of compassion are very clear. If I create an atmosphere in my mind of compassion, I give myself more opportunities to grow and change for the better. In an atmosphere of compassion, I have every incentive to do this because I’m no longer wasting energy defending myself and living in fear of punishment. If I’m treating myself and others with compassion and benefiting from it, I am cultivating an atmosphere of compassion all around me. This is the real revolution. Moving away from punishment and towards compassion is a revolutionary act. In fact, it might be more appropriate to term it an evolutionary act. I believe that we are growing out of this punishment phase of humanity.

Despite popular belief, punishment doesn’t work – not even formally. There have been numerous studies to support this fact and overwhelming evidence. Incarceration and corporal punishment have not reduced crime. In fact crime has only increased steadily and incarceration facilities are growing. Punishment is not effective in bringing about positive change because it only motivates people to avoid punishment rather than to consider for themselves why deep personal change might be necessary and how it might benefit them.

My path of intentional, personal growth began with Shamanism, an ancient practice of healing which for me has involved using many tools & medicines including Ayahuasca and always guided by a higher form of consciousness. There are many ways to access a higher form of consciousness. Some do this through meditation. For me, Shamanism has involved a form of meditation that we call journeying. Whatever name we put on it, this experience can be very liberating. I needed to be liberated from my way of thinking and this liberation has been an instrumental part of my healing. One of the main concepts introduced early in my Shamanic practice was the idea of ‘self service’. If I was to heal and grow, I needed to make changes. This meant dropping behaviour that ‘no longer served me’. In this phrase you may detect a distinct lack of judgement. There’s not the heaviness of ‘wrong doing’ associated with behaviour. It’s quite simply not in my best interest to do these things and therefore it makes sense that I stop doing them. Our judgemental attachment to so-called ‘wrong doing’ is what leads to so much more ‘wrong doing’, which is really just illness – hence the constant reference in Shamanism to ‘healing’ and ‘medicine’.

My experience of healing has helped me to see myself and to approach my life and the world in different ways. I continue to learn about what it means to be ill by learning and experiencing what it means to be well. When I have had difficulties of my own or with others, it helps to see that these difficulties are part of an illness that can be treated rather than an evil or bad behaviour. Once there is judgement, a heaviness is attached, and it becomes much more difficult for me to extricate myself from it. If I’m able to see it as illness, compassion is my response rather than judgement and this changes everything. Would we punish someone for being ill? Even formally, we have laws to protect the mentally ill from punishment. However, I think it’s time that we change the way that we define and perceive mental illness. A favourite quote comes to mind:

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society”

Jiddu Krishnamurti

The wellness and mindfulness movement is an indicator of this need for change and our desire to move forward in a different way. Those of us who have been forced to focus on wellness have discovered that this is not a quick fix. True wellness requires big changes in the ways that we think about and act towards ourselves and towards others. It requires effort and it requires compassion.

Once you begin to see the results of compassion, a form of love, you marvel at the power of it and how freeing it is. Mostly, you marvel at how good it feels and then you understand that there is an alternative to suffering. We have a choice in this and moving from punishment to compassion is a choice and a powerful step towards ending suffering.

A Lesson From My Father

My life has changed so much since I’ve become involved in shamanism. One of the most important aspects of shamanism is what we can learn from it. I’m guided through most aspects of my life now and my dreams have become vehicles for messages and lessons. This is a lesson I received in a dream in the form of a eulogy a few months before my father died. It was telling me that my father’s time on this earth was ending. My dad passed on April 27th, 2018 and I gave this dream inspired eulogy (everything after the first paragraph) at his funeral. The lesson included in my father’s eulogy is an important and universal one.

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My dad helped his kids move. All 5 of us and we moved a lot. I remember him suggesting that we consider buying inflatable furniture. My dad had a good sense of humour. He gave his time and energy to people in need. He volunteered at the Out of the Cold program at St. Mike’s hospital in downtown Toronto. They took in homeless people overnight during the winter. My mom told me recently that one day, during this time, he mentioned that he had to bring one of the men in the program to the emergency room because his foot was really bad. My mom asked how he discovered this and he told her that he was cutting this man’s toe nails.

He did perform selfless acts but that was not what made my dad special. He was special because of who he was. Those of us who knew him, have a sense of that unique quality that was Joe Hayden. We can use descriptive words like kind, gentle, funny and all of these words are true. But there are other kind, gentle, funny people who are not my dad. He was one of a kind. A unique being that we had the honour to know. We know this now, without any doubt, this essence that was my dad that made him so valuable. Unfortunately, he didn’t know this.

My father experienced an inner battle, one that caused him to feel what people describe as depression. At times, this made it an exquisite effort to do things that others might do effortlessly. We all have an inner life that others may not be aware of. I have experienced this inner battle and it was at it’s worst after my son was born. I know that sometimes, just dropping your child off to their lessons can be a courageous act when the battle is raging.

My dad, this unique and truly lovable person we all knew him to be, didn’t realize that just being who he was, was enough. I think if he did, the battle would have been won long ago. Many of us have trouble with this and I wonder if as a tribute to my dad, we may all start to realize the truth of it. Something we know without a doubt about my father is also true about each and every one of us. The greatest gift my dad gave us was the gift of himself. His unique, irreplaceable, lovely self. We all give that gift every day. Knowing this can make a huge difference in our lives and in the world. This is the final lesson my dad taught me, his final gift that I’m passing onto you.