Tag: healing

What if…

What if this life is a very different experience than you thought it was? These are the kinds of questions that we begin to ask during and after plant medicine and psychedelic experiences. Yes, there are the specific insights about ourselves and things that help us heal in the moment but the bigger picture questions are inspired by the fact that we can even have these experiences that are so expansive and beyond what we thought was possible in this reality. Did we dip into another reality? While our body remained in this one? Some people may see it that way and it’s an interesting idea but what serves most is to consider the fact that we’ve just been introduced to the idea that there’s so much more to this experience we call ‘life’ than we realized.

What if our thoughts (which the medicines/psychedelics/higher consciousness love to focus on to help us improve our experience) are far more powerful than we had imagined? What if we can harness these thoughts to create a better experience for ourselves? What if all of those things in life that we think are in our way are illusions? What if we begin to consider our thoughts to be navigational tools for this life? Now there’s a thought. 😉 That’s a very promising thought to follow. Where do you want to go in your life? Whether it’s a place or a situation or feeling, using your thoughts to navigate would be a very interesting approach but the ‘feeling’ is really, your ultimate destination because if you want to go to Italy and end up there and miserable, you would be quite disappointed no? Time for a new destination?

We often pursue psychedelics and plant medicines with intentions around feeling better and are introduced to very different ways of perceiving our lives in response to this intention/request. We have these revelational and profound moments of insight and then end up back in the lives we created from our previous perceptions of what this life is and how it works (or doesn’t ;-). So, then it’s time to navigate towards a life that better reflects this new understanding and although there is work to be done on the outside, the greater and more impactful work happens from the inside out. We walk away from these experiences often feeling wonderful and we don’t want that to wear off. Eventually, after getting back into our lives, it often does wear off to some degree and so we then try to set our sights on achieving that feeling again. Changing ourselves and how we think of life and how we approach it in our minds and hearts is the course we set to achieving that feeling again.

Returning to the wondrous question of ‘what if’ is a good way back to that good feeling. Keep the doors of ‘what if’ open inside of you. The kinds of ‘what if’ questions that acknowledge the incredible power we have that these experiences constantly hint at. These are the ‘what if’ highways that lead to new and better ways of living and thinking of this experience we call ‘life’.

What if we could to tap into amazing inner states through hypnotic journeying that help us begin and continue on that path of insights, healing, clarity & personal growth? Connect with me directly at reach.rebecca@me.com to find out more.

Telepathy, Consciousness and Collective Healing

We hear it said so often “We’re all one” or “We’re all connected” and I think for the most part, many of us accept this but there is still such a mystery as to how this plays out in our daily lives. I know that there are many ways in which this happens and one of the ways this ‘oneness’ can be revealed is through telepathy. My work with Ayahuasca, psychedelics, shamanism and subtle energies has resulted in some profound telepathic experiences in my every day life. It’s not surprising that most of these experiences involve my son as I have a closer connection to him than anyone else in my life. The first time I experienced this telepathic connection in an overt way, was long before I delved deeply into plant medicines or psychedelics but it was after my initial foray into the world of shamanism. Sometimes there can be hints at future events in our lives – like the foreshadowing we see in movies.

My first experience happened on a day that I went walking with my mother and son on a trail that was unfamiliar to me. We were visiting from out of town and during this walk, I began to take some photos. I became immersed in my photography for a while so my mother and son walked ahead. I said I’d catch up but I guess I waited too long and they must have been almost at my mother’s home when I realized that I really didn’t know which way to go to find my way back to them. I began walking in one direction but it felt more and more unfamiliar and a while later, once I realized that I was truly lost, I heard my mother and son calling my name. I soon caught up with them, and my mother explained that my son knew that I was lost. Before they arrived home my son insisted on coming back for me and told her that I was lost. He was maybe around 4 or 5 years old at the time and when I asked him how he knew I was lost he said “I know your heart”, “I was in your tummy”. Both my mother and I were very moved by this experience and it really began to change how I saw our connection. I am still discovering the depths of this connection.

The second time I became aware of this connection in a pronounced way was quite some time after I had begun working with plant medicines and psychedelics. I engaged in shamanic practices before I worked with plant medicines and through shamanic journeying, I experienced an inner connection with a guiding presence. I experienced this guiding presence as a sort of telepathic communication but it was more like insights, downloads and visions rather than the dialogue it became after Ayahuasca. This wise, guiding presence helped me in many ways right up to the point where I began to work with Ayahuasca. After that, this connection became a more pronounced dialogue that has been a guiding influence in my life ever since. I connect with this presence daily and it ‘speaks’ to me very clearly at times and especially, in the middle of the night and through my dreams. All of this led up to my first experience of conscious/intentional telepathic communication with my son.

One night, I was woken up in the middle of the night by this guiding presence/voice and it was responding to the intention/question regarding my son that I had posed earlier. It was suggested to me, that I speak to my son about my concerns. My telepathic reply to this inner voice pointed out the very practical issue of it being the middle of the night and my son was asleep in his room down the hall. The guided response urged me to speak to my son as I was speaking to this presence – to reach out to him telepathically. I did just that and I had only begun to do this (in my mind) when I heard his door open and footsteps coming down the hall. My son came into my room and I was so surprised to see him that I asked out loud “Honey what are you doing here?”. He replied “I couldn’t hear you” and crawled inside my bed and went to sleep. Obviously, he had ‘heard’ me but in a different way. He knew that I had reached out to him telepathically and this was his response.

A few years later, a friend of mine invited me to participate in a scientific experiment (learn more about that here) exploring the phenomenon of telepathy. In this experiment, participants were asked to meditatively connect with hypothalamic mouse neurons. There were sensors attached to these neurons that translated into data that we could see on a computer screen once the attempted connection was completed. My friend, who was also a hypnosis client at one point, gave me instructions that were most unexpected. He asked me to send signals/thoughts to these neurons that were disturbing/upsetting. It was the opposite to what I had anticipated. All of my practices of this nature have involved more peaceful/healing themes and this was quite the challenge. So, once I was set up and left alone to make this telepathic connection, I used my own hypnotic techniques to achieve a deeply relaxed state and reached out in my mind to this wise presence that advised me to make a game of this exercise and enjoy it, reassuring me that I would not harm these neurons. While in this hypnotic/meditative state, I imagined myself as a fiery cartoon character from a popular animated film called Moana.  I became this large character walking around the petri dish and singeing the neurons with my feet. I experienced the neurons recoil as I singed them. I did this for the allotted time and once the exercise was over and before we looked at the results, my friend sat down with me to share with me the reason for his request (to ‘upset’ the neurons). He said that many participants had used loving kindness type of meditative thoughts in this experiment in the past without much response but one day, when one of the participants happened to arrive in an angry state, and went ahead with the process none the less, there was a very marked response from the neurons. He showed me the computer screen, displaying the sensor’s output, which looked like the kind of graph they have on machines in hospitals showing someone’s vitals.  It represented the results of the entire experiment to date. For the most part, it was flat but there was a large, jagged line going up at one point which was the result of the connection with the angry participant. Then the line was relatively flat until again until it spiked at the end. This time, the line wasn’t jagged, it rose smoothly upwards and this was a result of my little singeing game with the neurons. It was a marked response.

Throughout my relationship with this presence, I have learned a lot about the importance of thoughts, awareness of how they are directed and the impact they have. Typical everyday inner responses impact not only our own experience but they have an effect on others as well. I remember one day as I dropped off my son at school, I walked away with a feeling of heaviness and a kind of worried attachment to him. I remember this wise inner voice saying “leave him be” and I understood that again, this was having an effect and not a positive one. It wasn’t a reprimand, and this heavy feeling I had was an important part of what I was moving through and healing at the time. I was made aware of the fact that I was directing it towards my son in a way that previously, I may not have been conscious of doing. It wouldn’t have occurred to me that this could be harmful but now, given my experiences and discoveries, I realize that all of it has an impact. This is what is meant by the phrase “the energy we’re putting out there”.

The fact that we’re using these phrases suggests a deeper knowing within us. We do know these things on a deeper level. I know now that when I realized that my son knew that I was lost, there was and is a deeper meaning to it. Our children and those who are closest to us, pick up on our feelings, thoughts and moods. I think we all know this but there is more to discover about the nature and degree of this impact, and it’s importance and significance in our daily lives and how things unfold in our world. We are not separate and as much as we’d like to think that we can keep things from one another, on a certain and crucial level, we all feel it. Early on in my experience with this presence, it illustrated this idea by asking me to imagine my thoughts as a digital screen on my forehead so that everyone could see all of these thoughts running through my mind. It was a very effective bit of imagery that taught me a lot and helped me become more aware of my thoughts. Although we may not all be ‘reading minds’ in a literal way, we certainly pick up on quite a lot and the more conscious we are, the more we are doing this. It is an energetic reality that is permeating our experience and once we harness this energy in a positive way, the sky’s the limit.

This understanding of our telepathic connection to one another makes it clear that when we begin to heal and grow on an individual level, it has a very positive ripple effect in our world. For those who are working to improve their relationships with their children, partners, family or colleagues, recognizing this is a good way to start and continue this work. Delving within is a powerful approach to solving most problems in this world. What we sometimes discover is how disconnected we are from ourselves and with this discovery comes the opportunity to change. And when we do, this greater connection to ourselves and to the world around us becomes more evident.  Ultimately, what we discover is how just how powerful we are and how to use that power for our personal and collective good.

Imagination, Beliefs & Healing The mind

When I first began to explore the world of shamanism I had been deeply depressed for a very long time and came to a point where I was willing to do anything to relieve my suffering.  I had tried conventional methods of addressing depression but they just led me into a deeper state of despair. I found the idea of being dependent on daily and nightly medications to be extremely disempowering and I struggled with this and other ideas that all related in one way or another to this basic concept of dependency versus personal power.  This period in my life was an important one as it was the beginning of a deeper struggle, one that I had experienced for years in different forms, coming to light. This situation, in and of itself, provided me with an opportunity for growth and like many such opportunities, it was not apparent to me at the time but crystal clear in retrospect.

At the time, I didn’t realize the nature of this deeper struggle but was keenly aware of the struggling itself which became so intense that it motivated me to open up to all possibilities of relieving it. This open state was the key to my own healing. Once I arrived at this open state, I began to find alternatives that I simply wasn’t aware of before because I was not open to them. The first was energy healing, which led me to shamanism, as energy healing has its roots in shamanism. Since I had begun to experience positive change with energy healing, I wanted to know more about it, its roots and the possibilities for deeper healing that shamanism had to offer. At the outset, I just knew that the kinds of concepts I would be introduced to would challenge my existing beliefs, but again, my open state helped me to overcome these challenges, as healing was more important to me than hanging onto my beliefs. Even then, I began to consider the fact that if my beliefs were healthy ones, they would not have led me into such a troubled state.

The idea of spirits and the use of my imagination were both challenges to me and it surprised me how quickly I overcame this. Pain is quite a motivator. I think originally, I regarded the idea of spirits to be as illusive as the idea of God so I just accepted what was being said about them as a possibility outside of my experience at the time and focused more on my own experience. The challenge then was to become acquainted with my own imagination as a vehicle for healing. This required me to think less, which was such a blessing and a beginning of the healing itself but no small task. Thankfully, I was truly desperate to get well and miraculously open which was a gift that paved the way towards achieving my goal.

As it turns out, the world of the imagination was not as foreign to me as I thought it was but it certainly seemed that way to me at the time. We all use our imagination on a daily basis and often in ways that are not serving us. This too was a new concept to me – the idea of self-service. This was a concept that I found far more appealing and it has been a prevalent theme throughout my shamanic experiences. My daily use of my own imagination often happened in ways that were harmful to me. When presented with any number of possibilities, the images and ideas that would come to mind were usually, overwhelmingly negative. I often put up barriers to all kinds of possibilities, which made me feel isolated and discouraged. When I contemplated positive opportunities, my imagination would create all kinds of barriers – seemingly logical and realistic ones – that stymied my attempts at imagining a better life for myself. We think of this as logic or reasoning but really, it was my mind responding to ideas (fuelled by influences past and present) and rationalizing in a negative direction with the use of my own imagination. I imagined all kinds of ‘reasons’ why good things couldn’t or weren’t going to happen to me. They had a life of their own in my mind and I supported this life – this very animated life of seemingly ‘reasonable’ barriers.

In the shamanic world, I was asked to move beyond this kind of thinking and into a creative state that soon, after I practiced and continued to open up, became a two way street. Eventually, it was not just me ‘creating’ although this was powerful enough in and of itself, it also took on a life of its own and became a state of being that offered insights that were presented to me in creative, imaginative ways.  A world of possibilities opened up in this creative, imaginative state in my mind where previously, there was a hostile and very closed environment. I began to work inside this space in my mind to change the environment using my imagination in a different way than the debilitating way I had engaged it previously without knowing it.

Initially, I believed that this creative, imaginative space in my mind was a new place that I was exploring and because it was so different than the one I was accustomed to, it was indeed very new to me but it had been an atmosphere I lived in for a long time. It is a space that I began to know more deeply through further shamanic adventures of my own and through experiences with plant medicines.  Through plant medicine ceremonies, shamanic journeying and spontaneous spiritual experiences after Ayahuasca, I began to understand that the imagery in my mind was a powerful vehicle for healing and change. I had experiences that seemed so strange to me initially, some involving objects being removed from my body and healing energies entering my body taking different shapes and removing bits and pieces within me that I knew represented or were in fact energies that caused problems. When this occurs within ceremony, under the influence of powerful plant medicines, many of us have a sense of the healing that is taking place and experience a ‘knowing’ that we are being changed for the better. When we begin to do these things in our normal state of mind, we can experience doubt.

I had some extraordinary, very animated healing experiences even in my so-called ‘normal’ state of mind and still, I had doubts. I had these doubts at times even after feeling the benefits of these experiences which often came a while afterwards. This led to more doubt but because of the fact that this healing work was becoming a regular part of my life, I allowed the doubt to pass and didn’t invest so deeply in it anymore. I had learned to do this through my shamanic and spiritual practice. This was one of the many gifts that shamanism has taught me – that we have the power to order our thoughts and to choose not to invest in ones that don’t serve us.

I became more and more focused on empowering methods that involved the mind and taking a more active role with respect to my thinking. People often told me that I was ‘too much in my head’ which was true for much of my life. Thinking and the mind was a focus for me and the way I was in my mind was becoming more and more harmful. However, now, coming to peace with my relationship with the mind and the power of it, I sought to use this focus in a positive way. Plant medicines and shamanism helped with this a great deal and continued to improve my life in every way. It was such a unique and personal journey and as Ayahuasca had encouraged me to do, I have been sharing these experiences with others. I felt compelled to help others and yet, I hadn’t come across a way that provided access to that unique inner space and one that resonated with me until I discovered hypnosis.

I say that I ‘discovered’ hypnosis because my preconceptions of it were mostly negative, which is not surprising given how it has been represented for years and often in the media. It has been presented as a tool that offers power to the person using it on or over another. This of course would never have appealed to me in any way because of my deeply held aversion to dependency or control of one over another. So it was very surprising to me to discover that this tool is not only very empowering, it also provides access to that space within that I had become so familiar with through shamanism and plant medicines. I began to discover that there are powerful opportunities to use hypnosis as a protocol to intentionally experience some of the same healings and insights that I had previously experienced spontaneously and through shamanism and plant medicines.

This was quite a revelation as I had been looking for a protocol to help others to experience this self-discovery and self-healing in intentional ways and here it was. There are hypnotic sessions I went through in my training that I had experienced spontaneously through this ongoing relationship with Ayahuasca and shamanism. It is a vehicle to not only explore within but to make changes there for our highest good. We have seen the effects of powerful influences outside of ourselves. Some of these effects are the wounds we are now working to heal. These influences could not have been so impactful unless somewhere inside of us, we allowed this to happen. This is where deep change is possible. We may now agree to become the powerful influence that is the guiding force in our lives. I invite you to go within and discover your own, wise, guiding voice and engage all of your capacities to heal, grow and thrive.

If you would like to learn more about working with me to discover your inner resources through hypnosis, please contact me at reach.rebecca@me.com

Please note, I work remotely via Zoom which will require a computer with a camera and a built-in microphone (which most computers have).

Hypnosis & Psychedelic/Plant Medicine Integration

From the earliest stages of my foray into shamanism, my intention was to heal and the first message or insight I received in response to my intention was “everything you need is inside of you”. It’s not an original notion but I didn’t take it as seriously as I began to once I embarked on the shamanic path of healing which ultimately involved plant medicines and psychedelics. It was an essential theme for inner work and personal growth that helped me to put my focus where it needed to be – within. That was 10 years ago and it has served me well. I have experienced many plant medicines, psychedelics, shamanic healings/retreats and used many tools along the way and all of them confirmed the fact that changing from within was the most powerful way to change my life experience for the better.

I then began to search for the best tool to help others to do this kind of work. I searched for something that resonated with me and that honoured this most essential theme of focusing within to bring about changes in one’s life. I was very surprised to discover that hypnosis answered this description and served as the ultimate tool for plant medicine and psychedelic integration. Like many, I often perceived hypnosis as a disempowering practice that was used to control others but this was a misconception. In fact, I had many misconceptions about psychedelics, spirituality and even shamanism as well, probably due to how it was represented in the media and in other ways that I had been exposed to throughout my life. What a revelation it was to discover how empowering and transformative hypnosis could be! It was a pleasant surprise and I still marvel at the power of it and how much it has changed so many people’s lives for the better including my own.

After studying and working with hypnosis the shamanic applications of it were so evident, it seems to me now that it must have been inspired by the ancient practice of shamanic journeying and meditation. In my experience and practice, hypnosis is a powerful combination of both and it’s the ideal integration method. Hypnosis can be used as a tool of self-discovery, which allows us to not only deeply explore our inner world but to begin to heal it. It allows us to discover inner programming and to change it for the better. It can also serve to facilitate a connection to higher consciousness to gain invaluable insights and this has unlimited potential. Sound familiar? It is very much like the experiences we have with plant medicines and psychedelics. In fact, it’s possible to revisit psychedelic and plant medicine experiences through hypnotic journeying. It’s a fascinating and transformative experience as it reveals to us our own unlimited potential and helps us to continue the journey we began with plant medicines and psychedelics. It is also a practice that we can begin to cultivate and do independently. As any truly empowering tool does, it engenders a sense of personal power, personal responsibility and unlimited possibilities.

Hypnosis testimonials

“If it wasn’t for the undeniable synchronicities that led me to Rebecca, I wouldn’t have imagined myself as someone to seek out counselling or therapy. I place a lot of faith in meditation and self-guided practises, and believe the answers we seek are present within ourselves – we don’t need to seek them from external sources. While this has served me vey well for many difficult years of my life, I recognized that I had reached a point where I was stuck and couldn’t identify what it was that was holding me back. After a couple of sessions with Rebecca I felt my mind had been gently trained to free itself from the many busy thoughts that hold us back from connecting with our subconscious self. I was able to tap into deeper states of relaxation that facilitated the deep inner work, which helped reveal the self-limiting beliefs I had around wealth and influence. Rebecca was very intuitive in guiding my inward journey, and very gentle in helping me embrace more wholesome and empowering ideologies. To help me continue realigning my beliefs while outside of our sessions, she provided me with guided self-hypnosis recordings that I could play anytime through the day, and particularly before bed. These powerful personalized recordings were designed very thoughtfully and thoroughly, and very soon I started to experience a generalized sense of wellness and confidence. As I continue my sessions and continue to peel back the layers of the onion that is my psyche, I want to express my gratitude for the transformative work Rebecca is doing through her hypnosis sessions!”

                                                                    Dr. Vedant Arun, Medical Bio-Physicist

“I worked with Rebecca in Hypnotherapy in fall 2019. In the sessions, I was able to feel peace and even have healing experiences. Rebecca is very knowledgeable in her craft and able to integrate her other plant medicine experiences as part of the coaching experience as well. She is very patient and open minded, providing a safe and comfortable space for me to freely explore and experience. Her voice is very soothing and led me into a trance that I wasn’t able to experience before. If you are interested in trying hypnotherapy, you will be in great hands with Rebecca. I also thoroughly enjoy her podcast as it can be a very good complement to her sessions. Happy journeying!”

Lu Wang, Business Consultant

I have been working with Rebecca for about 6 months at this point. I initially came to her for help with longer-term integration of my experiences with plant medicines. After a couple of rough journeys, I was actually fairly terrified of the whole process, and was reassured by listening to her podcasts.

After our first communications led me to ask for guidance and help via (remote) hypnotherapy, her compassionate presence and her insight helped me feel wonderfully supported as I continued to explore the process and broader journey. Her heartfelt efforts have helped me to gain both more understanding of and peace with the path I’m on. Specifically, she’s helped me to feel the loving side of the Grandmother, and helped prepare me for journeys by teaching self-hypnosis to improve my focus on intentions.

Her techniques are grounded and heartfelt, and her openness and compassion are palpable. Rebecca helps me to bridge my rather concrete allopathic training with these experiences, and to improve that which is my daily practice of living. I’m grateful for having found her and for the experiences she’s led me through, and looking forward to further exploration and growth.

Internist, Texas

If you are interested in working with me to discover your inner resources through hypnosis, please contact me at rebecca.hayden@gmail.com

Please note, I work remotely via Zoom which will require a computer with a camera and a built-in microphone (which most computers have).

Self-Love: The Intrinsic Value Of Us

It’s interesting to note how we tend to value human life intrinsically when it is brand new – babies being born into this world – or when it is almost over – people on their death beds. In these two instances, as babies and on the brink of death, we are the closest to an existence beyond this one. From all accounts of those who have had near death experiences, who have visited the existence beyond the one we know so well, it is understood that all of us have great value. This value is experienced in the form of a love so profound and permeating that no one wants to leave that loving existence and return to this one. So how do we as human beings, lose our sense of self-value and love? It happens in so many ways on an individual and societal level, and I think it starts when we place value on what a person does or doesn’t do above who they are. As children, the focus on our accomplishments is rather high, beginning with when we begin to talk and walk and then school, lessons and measurements of all sorts. It’s possible to lose our sense of self-value in focusing so much on what we’re ‘good at’ or ‘not good at’ and how we measure up to others – the comparisons can be disturbing and relentless. There is also valuing ourselves based on what we do for others – how we benefit others as a measurement of self-worth as though our only value is in what we offer to others apart from the simple, intrinsic value of who we are. Children pick up on all of these signals related to value, which is often focused on appearance, abilities and certain kinds of accomplishments. It’s how things have been for so many years, generation after generation. Perhaps we can change that now.

I have been focusing inward a great deal over the past 10 years after my initial foray into shamanic healing and I have learned that self-love is a fundamental aspect of well-being. More and more people are becoming aware of this profound truth, which is a sign of positive change and hopefully it signals a generational shift that bodes well for the future of humanity. There is a refreshing wave of interest in self-love and yet, many still struggle with this concept because of the influence of the past and the continuing and residual attitudes that permeate our society. I think that for many of us, self-love is a concept that takes some effort and consideration to embrace let alone to embody. After all, many of us have come from backgrounds filled with praise for being ‘selfless’. It was quite a revelation to me to begin to operate from a position of ‘self-service’, which has been an essential theme throughout my shamanic healing journey.  I found it surprising and ultimately liberating to embrace ‘what serves me’ realizing that some things that I had considered to be self-serving in the past, were not truly serving me at all. However, at the heart of this, if I am to truly master it, is self-love, which requires an appreciation for our intrinsic value – my intrinsic value. I’ve sat with it and considered it and just allowed the lessons to come realizing that like many of the shifts I’ve experienced on this journey, it takes time to make the big changes in perspective – to own them, apply them and embody them.

I think the greatest opportunity for me to truly come to terms with the idea of our intrinsic value came when my dad was at the end of his life. He had been in long term care for years before the end came and when it did, I had a deeply moving dream about a month beforehand. My dreams have become important healing and teaching tools since my earliest involvement in shamanism and some stand out more than others. This dream woke me up in the middle of the night and inspired me to record the message that came with it because it was so important. In fact, it was my father’s eulogy and I was giving it in my dream with the guidance of this wise voice that I have been hearing ever since my first journey with Ayahuasca in Peru. During this eulogy, there were accounts of some of my dad’s finer attributes but it became clear that these descriptions: kind, handsome, funny & gentle could be attributed to many other people. So what was it about my dad that made him so valuable and lovable? It was quite simply who he was. That unmistakable and unique essence of the man we knew and loved so well. There was a clear recognition of his intrinsic value. We knew this without question as we grieved and thought about his life and the time we shared with him. Could we know this without question about ourselves too? This ultimate truth about all of us that others will experience when we pass? Through this dream and the eulogy that I actually gave at his funeral, my father offered me a most valuable lesson that I’m passing onto you.

This is a powerful lesson and recognizing the power of it and the simple truth of it is important. One of the deepest truths that I have learned through this ever-present guiding voice and through many shamanic ceremonies and experiences is that who we are and how we regard ourselves is felt by others without us even saying a word. Our self regard is felt and it’s a signal that we send out into the world that is being responded to all the time. So, if we regard ourselves with love, we are creating the best possible experience for ourselves in this life. Once we become accustomed to experiencing self-love and valuing ourselves in this way, we can cultivate a society that recognizes the intrinsic value of humanity which will be reflected in all kinds of positive ways that will begin to change how we exist – how we educate children for example which can change everything. After all, if we place such value and importance on ourselves then we will place importance on learning about ourselves in the earliest stages of our lives – something that has been a giant gap in our education so far. I think we have a lot of work to do to bring this great shift about but I do believe it’s underway and it’s a sort of progressive, intentional evolution – one that must begin on an individual level. It all begins with self-love. Who knew that this could be such a learning curve? But it is and once we face this and intentionally take it on, we can begin to learn and embrace what it means to recognize our own intrinsic value, knowing the profound impact it can have on our own lives, on the next generation and on our world. Just think of how many aspects of our society would change if self-love was a core value that had to be considered and adhered to – before making any policy or product or program. Make no mistake, loving yourself and recognizing your intrinsic value is important work. I hope you begin this work today and open up to all of the wondrous possibilities that come with it.

Moving from Punishment to Compassion

Throughout my long journey of healing from depression, I have been learning about the things I need to change within myself. It’s been a challenging, immeasurably rewarding and highly educational experience. It has been a process that has taught me more about myself and about humanity than I could have learned in any other way. I have always been drawn to and moved by Philosophy (the love of wisdom) so this process is feeding a very deep need in me and I’m always wanting to learn more. I know without a doubt that this is where I was meant to be, on this path of learning, and it took depression to ultimately lead me here.

One of the reasons why it’s so challenging to learn about the things that I need to change is that I, like many others, have to contend with an inner (and sometimes outer) kneejerk defensive reaction that wants to protect myself from any kind of accusation of wrong doing. If something needs to change, there needs to be an understanding of what that is and why it needs to change. This is often where the defense mechanism kicks in and this defensive reaction has everything to do with having been immersed in a punishment oriented world for so long – one that breeds this defensiveness in so many of us. The defense is a means of avoiding punishment (a sort of survival instinct). Whether it’s physical, disciplinary punishment (my parents were big softies when it came to this actually) or more of a constant series of responses that indicate how underserving a person is who has ‘done wrong’, it’s a pattern underlying typical social behaviour in our world beginning from early childhood. It is both formal in some instances (reprimands/discipline of children or legal action/jail for adults) and informal in others (social shaming, exclusion and an endless nuanced form of passive aggression). It’s a pervasive pattern that becomes internalized. The continued internal self-punishment and admonishment supports the ongoing external version – that which we apply to others – often in the form of judgement.

On a personal level, when you disparage someone else in your own mind for doing something that is considered to be wrong, you are reinforcing that tendency to punish. This strengthens the punishment reaction so that it becomes alive and well in the mind. Unfortunately, this inner tendency towards punishment is most often directed at yourself because you are the person you live with 24hrs a day. This is really what’s behind the old standing piece of wisdom: ‘When you hurt others, you’re only hurting yourself’. As it turns out, this has merit.

Punishment is a deterrent to personal growth and most importantly to unconditional self-love, which is an imperative for well-being. Because of the anticipation of punishment, defensiveness is justified as ‘self-protection’. This act of self-protection can be mistaken for an act of self-love. It is not. The defense itself is actually based on a false assumption that we can only be loved or be worthy of love if/when we don’t ‘do wrong’ or that if we ‘do wrong things’, we’re not entitled to or deserving of love – even if temporarily. It’s such an old, familiar and damaging paradigm and tearing this down can be extremely liberating. It can be both a beginning and an end: the beginning of compassion and an end to suffering.

It has been a mandatory part of my healing and growth to exercise compassion with myself and with others. Compassion is something that I have learned to nurture within. At times it’s utterly inspired and I am at peace. At others, it takes a supreme effort and I have to remind myself of the wisdom of this approach and of its constant rewards. The rewards of compassion are very clear. If I create an atmosphere in my mind of compassion, I give myself more opportunities to grow and change for the better. In an atmosphere of compassion, I have every incentive to do this because I’m no longer wasting energy defending myself and living in fear of punishment. If I’m treating myself and others with compassion and benefiting from it, I am cultivating an atmosphere of compassion all around me. This is the real revolution. Moving away from punishment and towards compassion is a revolutionary act. In fact, it might be more appropriate to term it an evolutionary act. I believe that we are growing out of this punishment phase of humanity.

Despite popular belief, punishment doesn’t work – not even formally. There have been numerous studies to support this fact and overwhelming evidence. Incarceration and corporal punishment have not reduced crime. In fact crime has only increased steadily and incarceration facilities are growing. Punishment is not effective in bringing about positive change because it only motivates people to avoid punishment rather than to consider for themselves why deep personal change might be necessary and how it might benefit them.

My path of intentional, personal growth began with Shamanism, an ancient practice of healing which for me has involved using many tools & medicines including Ayahuasca and always guided by a higher form of consciousness. There are many ways to access a higher form of consciousness. Some do this through meditation. For me, Shamanism has involved a form of meditation that we call journeying. Whatever name we put on it, this experience can be very liberating. I needed to be liberated from my way of thinking and this liberation has been an instrumental part of my healing. One of the main concepts introduced early in my Shamanic practice was the idea of ‘self service’. If I was to heal and grow, I needed to make changes. This meant dropping behaviour that ‘no longer served me’. In this phrase you may detect a distinct lack of judgement. There’s not the heaviness of ‘wrong doing’ associated with behaviour. It’s quite simply not in my best interest to do these things and therefore it makes sense that I stop doing them. Our judgemental attachment to so-called ‘wrong doing’ is what leads to so much more ‘wrong doing’, which is really just illness – hence the constant reference in Shamanism to ‘healing’ and ‘medicine’.

My experience of healing has helped me to see myself and to approach my life and the world in different ways. I continue to learn about what it means to be ill by learning and experiencing what it means to be well. When I have had difficulties of my own or with others, it helps to see that these difficulties are part of an illness that can be treated rather than an evil or bad behaviour. Once there is judgement, a heaviness is attached, and it becomes much more difficult for me to extricate myself from it. If I’m able to see it as illness, compassion is my response rather than judgement and this changes everything. Would we punish someone for being ill? Even formally, we have laws to protect the mentally ill from punishment. However, I think it’s time that we change the way that we define and perceive mental illness. A favourite quote comes to mind:

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society”

Jiddu Krishnamurti

The wellness and mindfulness movement is an indicator of this need for change and our desire to move forward in a different way. Those of us who have been forced to focus on wellness have discovered that this is not a quick fix. True wellness requires big changes in the ways that we think about and act towards ourselves and towards others. It requires effort and it requires compassion.

Once you begin to see the results of compassion, a form of love, you marvel at the power of it and how freeing it is. Mostly, you marvel at how good it feels and then you understand that there is an alternative to suffering. We have a choice in this and moving from punishment to compassion is a choice and a powerful step towards ending suffering.

Ayahuasca: New Traditions and Sacred Values

The ancient practices surrounding Ayahuasca are considered to be sacred as is the medicine itself. I truly respect and appreciate the sacred traditions of Peru where I first drank the medicine. It’s important to have this kind of respect but if we don’t have self respect, it’s difficult to cultivate a healthy respect for other people, cultures and for the environment itself. This is what this teacher plant can offer us – an opportunity to heal, and developing self respect is an integral part of healing. This medicine can heal on a level that will help us to develop qualities that will ultimately benefit all. What I’ve learned through many of these experiences is that what truly serves our highest good, serves all. Another lesson from this medicine is that we are all sacred, and how we feel, live and think are so much more important than the kinds of things we focus on all too often. Perhaps we can consider this aspect of our lens/focus as we delve into the issue of Ayahuasca traditions and the modern expansion of this medicine.

The truth is that Ayahuasca is being practiced in the Amazon in a very different way than it has been for most of its existence.  Ayahuasca is being offered to large numbers of people from all over the world. This comes with its challenges but also with benefits. I think it’s plain to see the challenges. People are using it in many ways that can be at times harmful and disrespectful. The ways and degrees considered to be harmful are debated by many but it’s certainly true that there are harms. This happens because people who have been harmed/wounded have not healed sufficiently and are serving the medicine and working with it in ways that negatively impact the experience for those involved in these spaces/retreats. This harmful impact is true of any area of life. It’s true of any wounded leader, teacher, parent or employer/boss. It’s true of many who are featured prominently in mass media. Those who have influence over others emit an energy that impacts the people surrounding them and especially those subject to their decisions.  I’m sure you can think of many such wounded people who are harmfully impacting many others.

I have come to understand that Ayahuasca has it’s own intentions and purpose. I also believe that despite the difficulties, it’s quite intentional that this medicine is spreading worldwide and it’s understandable that as it spreads, there will be a messy transition. It’s also understandable that there will be some wounded/unhealed people serving the medicine. This isn’t new and has been happening across all cultures for thousands of years. Wounds didn’t begin in the Western world but we certainly have our fair share of them built into our culture. It’s not surprising that new traditions are being born. All traditions were once born and continue to be born. It’s also to be expected, that many people who are just discovering this medicine will use it in ways that are very different than what is considered to be traditional. However, I feel that we can learn a lot from those who are most experienced with it and most importantly, from the medicine itself – a very wise teacher who has been teaching indigenous cultures for ages.

I feel that to honour Ayahuasca is to honour the wisdom and the nature of its healing. The medicine has made its way into other cultures and areas of the world for a reason. It is a medicine and it’s treating illnesses. These illnesses are not only physical. That is simply one way that they manifest. These illnesses appear in many ways, some that might even be considered to be ‘normal’ and they don’t only exist in one area of the world, they exist everywhere. This is why integration is important for all – even though it may be experienced and/or pursued differently for each of us. Integration is a new tradition and I believe it’s a good one. Sometimes, we may be in danger of honouring the traditions more than the values of Ayahuasca. This reminds me of the reason why religion confused me and mostly failed to inspire me – Christianity and Catholicism in particular. It occurred to me very early in life that in many situations, the focus of religion was on tradition and rules rather than living the values at the very core of the religion. They forgot about love – the most sacred of all values.

My own relationship with Ayahuasca has been both of a traditional and non-traditional nature. However, the teachings align very closely with many espoused by the masters.  To honour Ayahuasca, we need to give those who have been learning from these teacher plants for many years and generations a voice in our communities. They carry with them the kinds of teachings that transcend tradition and speak to the very heart of the human experience. This wisdom carries with it the capacity to bring us together and through healing, so many of us can see how harmful divisive social attitudes (or should I say antisocial attitudes?) can be despite the best of intentions. This issue of Ayahuasca spreading into other cultures and how it used and regarded or disregarded etc can be an opportunity for us to heal a wound created long ago – a division that may be ready to heal. If we allow for it, this will be a profound accomplishment that will definitely serve all.

I experienced Ayahuasca in what would be considered by many to be a traditional setting in the jungle with Maestras and Maestros from the Shipibo tradition. Except for the fact that there were people from all over the world receiving the medicine, I believe that these incredibly loving and gifted shamans performed their work in a way that was considered to be traditional. I admired everything about them and it was clear to me that they loved their work, which is very important. All of this work was being done so that we could experience the gift of Ayahuasca. What would be the point of any of it if we didn’t follow the wisdom of this teacher plant? As many people do, I had a dialogue with Ayahuasca from the very beginning. Ayahuasca hinted to me back then the nature of the work that I would do – working with the medicine in some way – and I was so reluctant. I figured that this would entail years of training under the tutelage of Maestras/Maestros and I had a young son that needed me at home. One of the reasons I was there was to heal from depression which had compromised my connection with my son and everyone else but especially, with me. Ayahuasca’s response to my reluctance was “don’t worry, we will stay with you”. And so ‘they’ did.

When I returned home, I began a sort of training that was very unique and directed by this same voice that I heard when I experienced the medicine. It has taken me through a long and arduous journey that has allowed me to build a better relationship with myself while building one with my son. It has taken me through some fascinating and deeply healing experiences that have taught me about my own ability to heal myself and it helped me to understand the origins of certain kinds of emotional and physical pain. It also helped me to be aware of my thoughts and feelings and the connection between the two and how to use tools to address unhealthy thought patterns. It has taught me a great deal and when I interview people on my show who have been through traditional training, I recognize some of the learning I’ve already been through and I understand why I was trained in this way. I needed to be with my son and I needed to train in a new way that was all about integrating this wisdom into my life that is not lived in a jungle or amongst people who understand this medicine. It’s lived here in a world that needs to change.

This higher form of consciousness that expresses itself as Ayahuasca has wisdom to offer that is sometimes beyond our understanding. If we are to honour it, we must trust it. It has made its way around the world intentionally and we have an opportunity to support that. Although many of us have different ideas as to the best way to experience the medicine, let’s try to honour the most sacred of the teachings of Ayahuasca: love.

Ayahuasca is a gift and everyone who receives and offers it is at a different stage of growth. I know that the medicine has changed many lives but everyone is free to choose just how they want to continue this kind of personal work or if they want to continue it at all. Having this freedom is the nature of our existence. I hope that many people choose to use this freedom in a healthy way and I think the medicines are helping people to get there. Many of us are finding that the medicine asks us to take responsibility for our own lives, live them with love and recognize how powerful we are because often, we use that power against ourselves and against others. This is also a choice.

One of the most important aspects of my ongoing training is the focus on self. For the first year after I arrived back from the jungle, Ayahuasca made me aware of how much energy I was expending in my mind on other people, what they thought and what they were doing. I was continually asked to focus on my own reactions to others and to discover why I was having them. This changed everything for me. Instead of expending energy on what I couldn’t change, I was beginning to understand, heal and change myself in some incredible ways. This was powerful. It became such a deeply rooted habit that when it came time to speak about things affecting others, I was again very reluctant. But when I found that there was no longer that edge in my feelings about it, I knew that I was ready.

I think that the best way for us to honour Ayahuasca is to honour ourselves. And the best way to honour ourselves is to heal and love ourselves without judgement wherever we’re at in our lives and this will help us to approach others in the same way. It will also help us to approach other larger issues in healthier ways. Not all of us find ourselves able to do this all the time but if this is our intention, I know that we will be supported in this work. If we keep to honouring Ayahuasca in this way, all of the things that we hope to change will follow from this one most important act of power, the source of which is love.

Movies, Healing and Emotional Detox

After returning from Peru in the spring of last year I underwent an unusual form of healing. It was a long and guided process that was tailor made for me and involved one of my favourite activities: watching movies. Initially upon my return from Peru I participated in what is called ‘The Presence Process’ as I had been guided to do in one of my Ayhuasca sessions but after that, the guidance continued and I have been continuing on in this guided way ever since. While in Peru, experiencing group Ayahuasca ceremonies, like many others, I was witness to some outpouring of emotion by various members in the group as part of their healing process. I was surprised to find that only one night in the entire two weeks did I find myself becoming emotional and it was fairly mild. After returning home and finding that I was being guided to do specific things to continue my unique healing process, I soon came to understand that there would be many opportunities for me to pour out my emotions.

One of the most consistent ways that I engage in this emotional healing is through film. It’s hard to tell at this point what I find more surprising, the guidance or the fact that watching films has become an act of healing for me. I think this pronounced internal guidance I’m receiving tops the list of surprising things hands down but it has become so much a part of everyday life for me that I begin to put it down to the regular internal dialogue that I’ve always had and that most people have. The difference is that my internal dialogue was never so wise, instructive, healthy or supportive. Shortly after completing the ‘presence process’ which was a revelation in itself, I was guided to watch certain movies. The first such instruction came to me while at home going about some regular tasks and the movie title would not leave my head. It was reinforced over and over. It was a film I didn’t really want to watch which helped me to accept that this was more than just some kind of preoccupation I was having. I watched the movie and found that I was very emotional during certain parts of it. It was not a normal experience. Of course I had been emotional during movies before but not on this scale and not in this way. During this movie there were parts that struck me in such a profound way and my response was immediate. Through these certain parts of the story, I was made to understand the message that was being communicated to me. There were both messages and lessons that formed an important part of my healing.

This form of healing continued and I was guided to watch other movies. Sometimes through a certain part of a film or during an entire film I was made to see certain parts of my behaviour that was not impressive to say the least. This is a common phenomenon when working with plant medicines so it was apparent to me that this medicine was still having an effect. This has been known to happen but everyone’s experience of it is different. There were also many other kinds of insight I received through this form of healing. I was made to see certain events in my life in ways that changed my perspective and gave me a better understanding of what I had experienced and how it had affected me. Other times I was given greater lessons about humanity. Some of these lessons we all know theoretically: the tragedy of how we hurt one another and how this is perpetuated generation after generation. We do this because we’re unaware of things we carry inside of us that cause harmful behaviour which is difficult for us to see from our own standpoint – unless we make a concerted effort to do so that is.

This lesson is one of the most important ones because it’s so universal. We hear it and it makes sense but somehow these lessons for me took on a whole new depth when watching these movies. It was something I had agreed to do for the purpose of healing and this is what took it beyond the usual movie watching experience. The movies became a tool or a vehicle to reach me and they did with tremendous impact. It’s really quite startling the difference between just passively watching a movie (as I had done so many times before) and being guided to watch one for the purpose of healing. I could watch the same movie an hour, a day or a week later and have no reaction at all. The agreement I made each time pertained to a specific movie to be watched with an intention of healing at a particular time in my life. This combination was what seemed to bring about this extraordinary experience.

The messages I receive in this way rarely have anything to do with the subject matter of the film. Sometimes the subject is used to convey certain concepts but mostly it’s the mystifying power of stories themselves that have been traditionally used to convey ideas, concepts and lessons for centuries. Sometimes an actual sentence will stand out in a way that I know it’s meant for me. It’s very clear and the messages are always full of wisdom, compassion and insight. It’s been such a fascinating experience and the best part is that after I commit to watching the film that has come up for me, I feel so much better afterwards. There is a distinct difference between this and having a good cry at a movie. With every tear, something within me changes and afterwards the feeling of release is unmistakable. This change happens on a deep level and I feel lighter. Through this process I’m often relieved of something that had been dogging me for a very long time – an emotional or psychological weight has been lifted. This is often in stark contrast to the way I feel beforehand.

I’ve come to refer to this process as emotional detox. I do this because the build up to the healing itself is a feeling of emotional toxification. The things inside of me that need to be healed rise within me and it feels awful. Sometimes I need to live with these uncomfortable feelings for what seems like a long period of time before they are relieved through this form of healing. The word uncomfortable is really too mild a word to describe what happens. Sometimes it’s almost unbearable. It varies of course like illness often does from mild to more severe. When it’s severe I pity the people I’m around and try to minimize the casualties in my midst through containment. I try to manage my reactions to things. This is something I agree to as well and it can be quite the challenge. Given how long I’ve been at it, the severity of the build-up has reduced significantly. I still don’t like the feeling of each build-up but I’m reminded of earlier days and know that it’s well worth the progress I’ve made. It seems that this healing happens in stages related to layers of pain that have been lingering deep inside for years. The timing of these healings is still a mystery to me among so many mysteries I will probably never understand.

Some movies I was guided to watch were very hard to get a hold of. They were movies from my childhood – obscure ‘70s movies – but the response once I watched them was so powerful. Other times it was obnoxious ‘80s movies I had no interest in seeing and I really had to muster up some faith to bring myself to watch them. This was especially true because of how miserable I was feeling working up to this point and yet my motivation to relieve these awful feelings always eclipsed my reluctance. No matter how consistently I was healed by this process I questioned it every time. I still do. It’s something I had to get used to. I often laugh about the tenacity of my doubt given the consistently positive results but after a lifetime of believing that this kind of thing is not possible, it’s difficult to shake the part of myself that still doubts. I’ve become accustomed to doubt now and allow it to flow through me without giving it too much energy.

It’s been and continues to be a remarkable experience. I’ve been asked to watch films where I can relate to every character in the film – even the nasty ones and ones I never could have imagined relating to before. It’s been enlightening, astonishing and liberating. It has released me from issues that had been clouding my judgement and holding me back in so many ways. It has alleviated maladies I didn’t even know I had and healed others that I felt were beyond anyone’s powers. It has strengthened my relationships with those closest to me, especially my young son, and has helped me to face things in my life in a more honest and direct way. This has been a result of not only this peculiar movie technique but the constant guidance I’ve received daily. It’s been an extraordinary experience that I doubt words can do justice to but I’m utterly compelled to try.

I’ve always been a questioning sort of person and continue to be although I don’t always get the answers I want. Sometimes I don’t get answers at all but what I get is far more important than that. I get positive change. That’s far more valuable than anything that answers can provide. These changes within me are worth embracing any notions I previously considered to be strange or impossible or flighty (the list goes on). The truth is that I’m not asked to believe anything really. I’m just asked to agree to do certain things to heal. One of the things that I know is part of my healing is to speak and it would be impossible for me not to speak about this inner guidance. I know it’s inside of all of us. It’s a phenomenon that has such possibilities to end suffering and to bring about peace. It has astounding potential and yet it is a very personal and unique experience for everyone. It can’t be bottled or marketed but it can be shared and people can be inspired to pursue their own experience of it in their own way and that’s what I hope to do.