Category: Uncategorized

The Presence Process

During one of my Ayahuasca sessions in Peru I was instructed to start “The Presence Process” right away. I had bought the book before I took the trip as I had read about it on the website for the organization I visited in Peru. I had the book with me on this trip but had yet to read it and of course, Ayahuasca knew this along with all kinds of intimate details of my life. Most people who do Ayahuasca can tell you that this plant spirit reveals things that make it very clear that it has in-depth knowledge of who you are and it can be surprising at times how completely it understands you – often more than you understand yourself which is why it can be an extremely insightful experience to connect with this spirit. I had the intention of changing my life completely according to the revelations of these spiritual experiences so that I may live a more meaningful, authentic and powerful life. After reading the substantial intro to the book “The Presence Process” (almost half the book) I embarked upon a remarkable healing journey and realizing the powerful tools it had to offer, I knew why it had been recommended to me.

It’s a very difficult process and many times during it I had been desperate to find some kind of support beyond the book. I looked for some feedback about it online and it was only after I finished the process (or the main part anyway) that I found some questions and answers on the portal that was somewhat along the lines of what I had been seeking. However, I realized in retrospect that if I didn’t find it when I was looking, I wasn’t meant to. I’m beginning to have a lot more faith in these kinds of things in my life as I am now being guided in so many ways that I can’t fail to see that most if not everything in life has a rhythm and is a result of some part of who I am and where I’m at. In fact, Ayahuasca responded to my curiosity about the nature of reality by stating that my reality was a result of my ‘state’. And ever since, this spiritual presence that has remained with me has been guiding me in ways to help me change my state for the better. Some of these changes are painful and this process is a powerful vehicle that facilitates these crucial changes.

During the process I experienced a great deal of emotional upheaval. I began to realize that this was (and still is) a sort of emotional detox. It’s helpful to remember this while experiencing it because it can be confusing and discouraging. We all associate healing with good feelings but when we feel bad, we immediately think that something must be wrong. We often have this reaction when we’re feeling physically sick but again, there can be symptoms of detox that facilitate healing that are quite uncomfortable. I remember a couple of years ago having pneumonia at Christmas time. I had a fever of 104 and needless to say, I was quite seriously ill. I purged a great amount of mucous (my apologies for the graphic description) and afterwards, my chest and lungs felt better than they had felt in years. I could breathe much more easily and felt so much stronger for it. I realized then that my body was actually healing me. I think this happens far more often than any of us realize.

On an emotional level, it becomes very difficult to keep a steady view of this necessary part of healing and I still marvel at how often I am taken off guard by it when these bouts of emotional detox occur. Although I have completed the process, I am still undergoing the healing process in a more relaxed manner so to speak. When the need arises, I am able to put the tools I learned in this process to work and of course the need does arise often enough for me to know that in order to fulfill my intention, I must do a lot more healing and in so doing, continue to change my ‘state’. I often still balk at these feelings when they overcome me and once I catch myself in this familiar reaction, I realize that I must accept these feelings or I won’t be able to integrate them and therefore overcome the way they affect my life (and my reality). I can’t pretend that I always react well. It has been a huge learning curve to respond to these emotions differently than I have done for so many years but I am determined to do better each time – or to try anyway. One way or another, with a great deal of help from my guiding spirits or this ‘presence’ I’ve felt since I returned from Peru, I have managed to make progress.

It has been and continues to be a tremendous challenge and an empowering experience. I’m not sure what other people’s experience of this process is but I know that I’m just so grateful for the guidance I received during it and continue to receive. I would be interested in hearing about other people’s experiences and whether or not they felt a presence working with them. I want to make it clear that I’m not in a position to guide or advise anyone else because I know how unique everyone’s situation is, and from what I can gather, this process is about working one on one with presence itself to sort out these very personal issues. Having said this, I also know that sometimes it can be helpful just to share experiences and give and receive support when going through such a challenging process. My process was and continues to be fully guided and I was given some very specific instructions while going through this experience. I continue to be guided and although I may still get confused at times and feel doubt, I know that my life is immeasurably richer in every way due to the guidance I receive. I can only hope that others find their own way of seeking internal guidance, as I believe that this is the way that our world will truly change for the better.

Post Script: The source for Q&A provided by the author of The Presence Process that I found after the fact can be accessed now through this link: http://presenceprocessquestions.blogspot.ca/2009/07/i-have-done-presence-process-twice-but.html

The Bully

Dream: I am given a writing assignment. The editor at a major literary magazine has given me an assignment to write an article about a gift he plans to give a celebrated author. He tells me that he is giving a particular book to this writer and he wants me to write an article about it. I was given the book and asked to write a certain amount of words and then was left to it. When I turned around the author was right behind me. I set out to find a private place to write and she followed me. The look on her face told me everything I needed to know as to why she was following me. It was a familiar look. It was the look of the bully. I tried to find several places to write in this building and wherever I went there she was. I went to great lengths to find a spot where she would not find me but no matter what I did she managed to find her way there and stood there looking at me pointedly. I tried to write with her there and was unable to do so because she made me so nervous. I went so far as to ask for help from someone at the magazine. I was given the keys to an apartment that was for the exclusive use of the person who granted me the keys. He told me that he went there to write and that it would be a good place for me to do so. I went there and locked the door behind me but when I looked up just before I began to write, there she stood, the author who wouldn’t leave me alone. I had become so distraught that I knew I couldn’t write and of course that was the point of her haunting me. As I continued to try to find a place where I could write undisturbed I thought of the book that was given to me, the book that would be a gift for this author. The book was about a bully and of course I was considering writing about what an appropriate gift this book was for this particular author but it seemed that I would never get a chance to write at all. After several attempts to find a peaceful place to write I finally stopped and looked directly into the eyes of the author who had been so aggressively pursuing me and taunting me this whole time and I realized that I was looking into my own eyes. The author who would not let me alone, who would not leave me in peace to write, this bully was me.

This is a perfect example of an instructive dream. These dreams are given to me to teach me a lesson that I need to learn about myself. Almost every dream I have of this nature is about myself or about my relationship with someone in my life. A dream like this is sending me a very direct message, one that I am intended to act on. I don’t have dreams like this very often. I realized some time ago that when a message is intended to get through to me, I would have no trouble interpreting the dream that was the vehicle for this message. There were times in the past when I struggled over the interpretation of one dream or another but since I was given this inner voice as a guide in my life I was able to receive direction on this matter. So now I will stare down that bully and tell you about the experiences that I am having and have had over the last year or so that have changed the way I look at the world and the way that I experience it. It has changed everything for me and I know that I was meant to share these experiences with you.

I know that we all have an inner voice. Sometimes it becomes apparent to us in the form of intuition, which many of us don’t pay much attention to at all. I know that I didn’t and once I discovered the significance of it, it astonished me that I was able to go so long without tapping into it or even acknowledging it. Having said this, my inner voice was never so prominent and complex as it is today. I had to do many things to bring this about having no idea where it would lead. I’m now writing a book about my journey and sharing some of these experiences on my website. I began this journey as a means to heal myself from depression. This is where my journey led me and I know that these things unfold differently for everyone but I do encourage everyone to find ways to connect with this source of infinite wisdom that is available to all of us. Some do this through meditation and others through shamanism and/or various spiritual practices but it all begins with intention and you can do this independently. If you have the intention to connect directly with your higher self, presence, your spirit guide or whatever word you feel comfortable with, you can begin there and see where it takes you. I don’t think I know of anyone who regretted it and there are millions of lives that have been utterly transformed by it.