Tag: #Ayahuasca #Wellness #Consciousness #Mindfulness #MentalHealth #Healing #PlantMedicines

Ayahuasca Helped Me Explore My Thoughts Then Said: “Tell Them”

During my daily dialogue with this inner teacher that has been available to me following my first Ayahuasca retreat, there have been many lessons around my thought patterns and some of the best lessons came when I was actually in ceremony (after ingesting the brew).. or so I thought. The reason I thought this was because during ceremony, I didn’t have my usual defence mechanisms at play – I was a captive audience. However, during one particularly memorable ceremony, Ayahuasca deliberately allowed my thoughts to occur as they normally would and used this opportunity to show me how I allowed my thoughts to get in the way of doing the things I wanted to do in my life. She literally showed me these thoughts as they occurred right after she had encouraged me to consider doing something wonderful. My conception of this wonderful endeavour was inevitably followed by thoughts that belittled this idea and made it seem not realistic or unlikely to succeed. Ayahuasca then pointed out how these thoughts themselves were the barriers I faced – not the subject or content of the thoughts, just the actual thoughts themselves. Then Ayahuasca said “Tell Them!” in an emphatic way.

This is not the first time that Ayahuasca has asked me to pass on messages, teachings and urged me to talk about the things I’ve experienced and learned. During a ceremony previous to the one described above, the usually abundant dialogue with Ayahuasca was very sparse and after a short lesson about how I create my own barriers (one of her favourite subjects) I heard “We will speak through you” and then I purged in a way that I won’t soon forget (and unfortunately, nether will the others in the clean up crew). Other than the obvious discomfort of the purge and the rigors of the medicine experience itself, it sounds like an easy thing to do, to share these teachings, but it wasn’t for me. I felt that I had to sufficiently address these issues myself before I could pass along these messages and teach what I was learning. But what did I consider to be sufficient? It was a yardstick that just kept growing and I could never measure up.

I had always been rather critical of spiritual teachers – probably because somewhere inside of me, I knew that I was one myself. My expectations of them were extremely high and this is one of the many lessons in the form of cosmic jokes that I’ve encountered on this integrative journey with Ayahuasca. It’s a good thing that I have a sense of humour – it comes in handy. Every time I’ve judged people in my life it has come back to haunt me and I’ve been humbled on many fronts. This particular judgement was the most difficult because it became a barrier to my own calling. How could I teach if I was so self-critical that I could never live up to my own standards? It was more than a barrier – it was a trap. I managed to make it seem so righteous. Ayahuasca was not impressed.

Well, I’m over it. One thing I always admired in teachers was their willingness to continue to learn and this is something I can honestly say that I’m always doing. Ayahuasca is my constant teacher and one of the best lessons yet was one she offered to help me to address my misgivings about moving forward with teaching. She let me know that due to this constant inner guidance, my awareness of my thoughts – including the ones that are harmful – is heightened. As I continue to move beyond my comfort zones, it inevitably involves contending with the thoughts that protest this move. She kindly points out to me that this is a sign of growth and progress in my life. If I wasn’t constantly moving beyond my comfort zones, I would not have to face and address or traverse these protesting thoughts that intervene. The point is to not let them take over and dominate my decisions or feelings about what I’m doing.

Ultimately, I hope to rest between major shifts outside of my comfort zones. In the meantime, I have decided to regard these periods of discomfort as badges of honour and to move forward with teaching, knowing that we’re all learning together. All I can do as a teacher is to pass on what I learn. This is all any teacher can do and it’s not only teachers who do this. I learn from everyone and what I hope to inspire people to do is to discover the ultimate teacher – the teacher within.

If you’d like to learn more about personal growth & spiritual connection through hypnotic journeying, please email me at rebecca.hayden@gmail.com

Moving from Punishment to Compassion

Throughout my long journey of healing from depression, I have been learning about the things I need to change within myself. It’s been a challenging, immeasurably rewarding and highly educational experience. It has been a process that has taught me more about myself and about humanity than I could have learned in any other way. I have always been drawn to and moved by Philosophy (the love of wisdom) so this process is feeding a very deep need in me and I’m always wanting to learn more. I know without a doubt that this is where I was meant to be, on this path of learning, and it took depression to ultimately lead me here.

One of the reasons why it’s so challenging to learn about the things that I need to change is that I, like many others, have to contend with an inner (and sometimes outer) kneejerk defensive reaction that wants to protect myself from any kind of accusation of wrong doing. If something needs to change, there needs to be an understanding of what that is and why it needs to change. This is often where the defense mechanism kicks in and this defensive reaction has everything to do with having been immersed in a punishment oriented world for so long – one that breeds this defensiveness in so many of us. The defense is a means of avoiding punishment (a sort of survival instinct). Whether it’s physical, disciplinary punishment (my parents were big softies when it came to this actually) or more of a constant series of responses that indicate how underserving a person is who has ‘done wrong’, it’s a pattern underlying typical social behaviour in our world beginning from early childhood. It is both formal in some instances (reprimands/discipline of children or legal action/jail for adults) and informal in others (social shaming, exclusion and an endless nuanced form of passive aggression). It’s a pervasive pattern that becomes internalized. The continued internal self-punishment and admonishment supports the ongoing external version – that which we apply to others – often in the form of judgement.

On a personal level, when you disparage someone else in your own mind for doing something that is considered to be wrong, you are reinforcing that tendency to punish. This strengthens the punishment reaction so that it becomes alive and well in the mind. Unfortunately, this inner tendency towards punishment is most often directed at yourself because you are the person you live with 24hrs a day. This is really what’s behind the old standing piece of wisdom: ‘When you hurt others, you’re only hurting yourself’. As it turns out, this has merit.

Punishment is a deterrent to personal growth and most importantly to unconditional self-love, which is an imperative for well-being. Because of the anticipation of punishment, defensiveness is justified as ‘self-protection’. This act of self-protection can be mistaken for an act of self-love. It is not. The defense itself is actually based on a false assumption that we can only be loved or be worthy of love if/when we don’t ‘do wrong’ or that if we ‘do wrong things’, we’re not entitled to or deserving of love – even if temporarily. It’s such an old, familiar and damaging paradigm and tearing this down can be extremely liberating. It can be both a beginning and an end: the beginning of compassion and an end to suffering.

It has been a mandatory part of my healing and growth to exercise compassion with myself and with others. Compassion is something that I have learned to nurture within. At times it’s utterly inspired and I am at peace. At others, it takes a supreme effort and I have to remind myself of the wisdom of this approach and of its constant rewards. The rewards of compassion are very clear. If I create an atmosphere in my mind of compassion, I give myself more opportunities to grow and change for the better. In an atmosphere of compassion, I have every incentive to do this because I’m no longer wasting energy defending myself and living in fear of punishment. If I’m treating myself and others with compassion and benefiting from it, I am cultivating an atmosphere of compassion all around me. This is the real revolution. Moving away from punishment and towards compassion is a revolutionary act. In fact, it might be more appropriate to term it an evolutionary act. I believe that we are growing out of this punishment phase of humanity.

Despite popular belief, punishment doesn’t work – not even formally. There have been numerous studies to support this fact and overwhelming evidence. Incarceration and corporal punishment have not reduced crime. In fact crime has only increased steadily and incarceration facilities are growing. Punishment is not effective in bringing about positive change because it only motivates people to avoid punishment rather than to consider for themselves why deep personal change might be necessary and how it might benefit them.

My path of intentional, personal growth began with Shamanism, an ancient practice of healing which for me has involved using many tools & medicines including Ayahuasca and always guided by a higher form of consciousness. There are many ways to access a higher form of consciousness. Some do this through meditation. For me, Shamanism has involved a form of meditation that we call journeying. Whatever name we put on it, this experience can be very liberating. I needed to be liberated from my way of thinking and this liberation has been an instrumental part of my healing. One of the main concepts introduced early in my Shamanic practice was the idea of ‘self service’. If I was to heal and grow, I needed to make changes. This meant dropping behaviour that ‘no longer served me’. In this phrase you may detect a distinct lack of judgement. There’s not the heaviness of ‘wrong doing’ associated with behaviour. It’s quite simply not in my best interest to do these things and therefore it makes sense that I stop doing them. Our judgemental attachment to so-called ‘wrong doing’ is what leads to so much more ‘wrong doing’, which is really just illness – hence the constant reference in Shamanism to ‘healing’ and ‘medicine’.

My experience of healing has helped me to see myself and to approach my life and the world in different ways. I continue to learn about what it means to be ill by learning and experiencing what it means to be well. When I have had difficulties of my own or with others, it helps to see that these difficulties are part of an illness that can be treated rather than an evil or bad behaviour. Once there is judgement, a heaviness is attached, and it becomes much more difficult for me to extricate myself from it. If I’m able to see it as illness, compassion is my response rather than judgement and this changes everything. Would we punish someone for being ill? Even formally, we have laws to protect the mentally ill from punishment. However, I think it’s time that we change the way that we define and perceive mental illness. A favourite quote comes to mind:

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society”

Jiddu Krishnamurti

The wellness and mindfulness movement is an indicator of this need for change and our desire to move forward in a different way. Those of us who have been forced to focus on wellness have discovered that this is not a quick fix. True wellness requires big changes in the ways that we think about and act towards ourselves and towards others. It requires effort and it requires compassion.

Once you begin to see the results of compassion, a form of love, you marvel at the power of it and how freeing it is. Mostly, you marvel at how good it feels and then you understand that there is an alternative to suffering. We have a choice in this and moving from punishment to compassion is a choice and a powerful step towards ending suffering.

The Story of Our Keys: Ayahuasca Wisdom on Personal Power

During my ceremonies with Ayahuasca, like so many others, I had a dialogue with a higher form of consciousness that we call Ayahuasca. When I returned from the jungle, the dialogue continued. During one ceremony, Ayahuasca asked me to put pencil to paper and when I did, the following allegorical story emerged about the nature of our personal power and how we may use it either to build barriers or to create ‘new worlds’. In essence, it’s about how we create our own reality:

Your Keys

You carry a key inside of you, and that key opens the doors of the world that you create. You are creating new worlds all the time and using your key to enter those worlds. The key must remain with you so that you may have access to these new worlds. If you give that key away you lose access.

Giving Your Key Away

Given the importance of this key, it must remain within you. If you give away your key, you give away access to those new worlds–new possibilities. Once the key leaves you, the ability to enter those new worlds resides outside of you. If you put that key into someone else’s hands you have given that person your own access to these new worlds and possibilities. Once this happens your dependency on that person begins. This dependency often breeds resentment. This resentment is the foundation of structures called barriers. We build these structures that encompass our fears of using our own keys. Our focus shifts from these new possibilities to the keeper of the keys.

The Keeper of the Keys

This keeper is now in possession of the key to these new possibilities. This possession is never permanent. It is an illusion supported by the owners of the keys. This illusion becomes more powerful as the focus on the keeper grows. The keepers of the keys are now reviled by the owners because the keepers are restricting access or building worlds that the owners don’t like. This creates conflict.

The Key Owner’s Dilemma

Being convinced that the keepers now own the keys, the owners feel powerless. Every time the owner begins to build a new world this same owner destroys it in the name of the keeper always placing the responsibility for this destruction solely on the shoulders of the keeper. The owner’s frustration builds. How can the owner be expected to create a new world when the keeper stands in the way?

The New Owner’s Thoughts

Now that the keys have no real home having been discarded by the owners and never truly residing with the keeper, the keys constitute an immense unused power. This power is needed and desired by every owner and yet remains unused. The keys are illuminated every time someone breaks out this trap. Those who break free not only see the keys at everyone’s disposal, they also see the multitude of keys to the endless new worlds that they may build.

These are not only the new owners but the true owners as they acknowledge where the true power lies. The new owners see not only the possibilities but the endless struggle of those who deny ownership of their keys. This is a dilemma indeed. How can they help the other owners and keepers to see the reality of the natural and true state of the keys? They must show this by using their own keys to build new worlds in hopes that others will be inspired to claim ownership of their own keys. This is the path to freedom.

This is only an excerpt of ‘The Story of Our Keys’ that continues to unfold. I wrote this story but a higher form of consciousness is the author. I learned a great deal from writing this story and continue to learn more each time I write and each time I read it. It is becoming a book.  I will self-publish if necessary, but I would like to find a publisher who is inspired to take this on. Through this work, I have begun to see that our world is filled with unusual and inspiring things if we’re willing to see them and most importantly, to create them.

Ayahuasca: New Traditions and Sacred Values

The ancient practices surrounding Ayahuasca are considered to be sacred as is the medicine itself. I truly respect and appreciate the sacred traditions of Peru where I first drank the medicine. It’s important to have this kind of respect but if we don’t have self respect, it’s difficult to cultivate a healthy respect for other people, cultures and for the environment itself. This is what this teacher plant can offer us – an opportunity to heal, and developing self respect is an integral part of healing. This medicine can heal on a level that will help us to develop qualities that will ultimately benefit all. What I’ve learned through many of these experiences is that what truly serves our highest good, serves all. Another lesson from this medicine is that we are all sacred, and how we feel, live and think are so much more important than the kinds of things we focus on all too often. Perhaps we can consider this aspect of our lens/focus as we delve into the issue of Ayahuasca traditions and the modern expansion of this medicine.

The truth is that Ayahuasca is being practiced in the Amazon in a very different way than it has been for most of its existence.  Ayahuasca is being offered to large numbers of people from all over the world. This comes with its challenges but also with benefits. I think it’s plain to see the challenges. People are using it in many ways that can be at times harmful and disrespectful. The ways and degrees considered to be harmful are debated by many but it’s certainly true that there are harms. This happens because people who have been harmed/wounded have not healed sufficiently and are serving the medicine and working with it in ways that negatively impact the experience for those involved in these spaces/retreats. This harmful impact is true of any area of life. It’s true of any wounded leader, teacher, parent or employer/boss. It’s true of many who are featured prominently in mass media. Those who have influence over others emit an energy that impacts the people surrounding them and especially those subject to their decisions.  I’m sure you can think of many such wounded people who are harmfully impacting many others.

I have come to understand that Ayahuasca has it’s own intentions and purpose. I also believe that despite the difficulties, it’s quite intentional that this medicine is spreading worldwide and it’s understandable that as it spreads, there will be a messy transition. It’s also understandable that there will be some wounded/unhealed people serving the medicine. This isn’t new and has been happening across all cultures for thousands of years. Wounds didn’t begin in the Western world but we certainly have our fair share of them built into our culture. It’s not surprising that new traditions are being born. All traditions were once born and continue to be born. It’s also to be expected, that many people who are just discovering this medicine will use it in ways that are very different than what is considered to be traditional. However, I feel that we can learn a lot from those who are most experienced with it and most importantly, from the medicine itself – a very wise teacher who has been teaching indigenous cultures for ages.

I feel that to honour Ayahuasca is to honour the wisdom and the nature of its healing. The medicine has made its way into other cultures and areas of the world for a reason. It is a medicine and it’s treating illnesses. These illnesses are not only physical. That is simply one way that they manifest. These illnesses appear in many ways, some that might even be considered to be ‘normal’ and they don’t only exist in one area of the world, they exist everywhere. This is why integration is important for all – even though it may be experienced and/or pursued differently for each of us. Integration is a new tradition and I believe it’s a good one. Sometimes, we may be in danger of honouring the traditions more than the values of Ayahuasca. This reminds me of the reason why religion confused me and mostly failed to inspire me – Christianity and Catholicism in particular. It occurred to me very early in life that in many situations, the focus of religion was on tradition and rules rather than living the values at the very core of the religion. They forgot about love – the most sacred of all values.

My own relationship with Ayahuasca has been both of a traditional and non-traditional nature. However, the teachings align very closely with many espoused by the masters.  To honour Ayahuasca, we need to give those who have been learning from these teacher plants for many years and generations a voice in our communities. They carry with them the kinds of teachings that transcend tradition and speak to the very heart of the human experience. This wisdom carries with it the capacity to bring us together and through healing, so many of us can see how harmful divisive social attitudes (or should I say antisocial attitudes?) can be despite the best of intentions. This issue of Ayahuasca spreading into other cultures and how it used and regarded or disregarded etc can be an opportunity for us to heal a wound created long ago – a division that may be ready to heal. If we allow for it, this will be a profound accomplishment that will definitely serve all.

I experienced Ayahuasca in what would be considered by many to be a traditional setting in the jungle with Maestras and Maestros from the Shipibo tradition. Except for the fact that there were people from all over the world receiving the medicine, I believe that these incredibly loving and gifted shamans performed their work in a way that was considered to be traditional. I admired everything about them and it was clear to me that they loved their work, which is very important. All of this work was being done so that we could experience the gift of Ayahuasca. What would be the point of any of it if we didn’t follow the wisdom of this teacher plant? As many people do, I had a dialogue with Ayahuasca from the very beginning. Ayahuasca hinted to me back then the nature of the work that I would do – working with the medicine in some way – and I was so reluctant. I figured that this would entail years of training under the tutelage of Maestras/Maestros and I had a young son that needed me at home. One of the reasons I was there was to heal from depression which had compromised my connection with my son and everyone else but especially, with me. Ayahuasca’s response to my reluctance was “don’t worry, we will stay with you”. And so ‘they’ did.

When I returned home, I began a sort of training that was very unique and directed by this same voice that I heard when I experienced the medicine. It has taken me through a long and arduous journey that has allowed me to build a better relationship with myself while building one with my son. It has taken me through some fascinating and deeply healing experiences that have taught me about my own ability to heal myself and it helped me to understand the origins of certain kinds of emotional and physical pain. It also helped me to be aware of my thoughts and feelings and the connection between the two and how to use tools to address unhealthy thought patterns. It has taught me a great deal and when I interview people on my show who have been through traditional training, I recognize some of the learning I’ve already been through and I understand why I was trained in this way. I needed to be with my son and I needed to train in a new way that was all about integrating this wisdom into my life that is not lived in a jungle or amongst people who understand this medicine. It’s lived here in a world that needs to change.

This higher form of consciousness that expresses itself as Ayahuasca has wisdom to offer that is sometimes beyond our understanding. If we are to honour it, we must trust it. It has made its way around the world intentionally and we have an opportunity to support that. Although many of us have different ideas as to the best way to experience the medicine, let’s try to honour the most sacred of the teachings of Ayahuasca: love.

Ayahuasca is a gift and everyone who receives and offers it is at a different stage of growth. I know that the medicine has changed many lives but everyone is free to choose just how they want to continue this kind of personal work or if they want to continue it at all. Having this freedom is the nature of our existence. I hope that many people choose to use this freedom in a healthy way and I think the medicines are helping people to get there. Many of us are finding that the medicine asks us to take responsibility for our own lives, live them with love and recognize how powerful we are because often, we use that power against ourselves and against others. This is also a choice.

One of the most important aspects of my ongoing training is the focus on self. For the first year after I arrived back from the jungle, Ayahuasca made me aware of how much energy I was expending in my mind on other people, what they thought and what they were doing. I was continually asked to focus on my own reactions to others and to discover why I was having them. This changed everything for me. Instead of expending energy on what I couldn’t change, I was beginning to understand, heal and change myself in some incredible ways. This was powerful. It became such a deeply rooted habit that when it came time to speak about things affecting others, I was again very reluctant. But when I found that there was no longer that edge in my feelings about it, I knew that I was ready.

I think that the best way for us to honour Ayahuasca is to honour ourselves. And the best way to honour ourselves is to heal and love ourselves without judgement wherever we’re at in our lives and this will help us to approach others in the same way. It will also help us to approach other larger issues in healthier ways. Not all of us find ourselves able to do this all the time but if this is our intention, I know that we will be supported in this work. If we keep to honouring Ayahuasca in this way, all of the things that we hope to change will follow from this one most important act of power, the source of which is love.

Mastering the Mind

Ayahuasca has taught me many things and one of the main areas of both study and application of these lessons has involved the mind. This talk will provide you with some valuable insights and tools to help you master your mind!

Ayahuasca Talks Radio Show

Why do we want to hear plant medicine stories? For the same reason that everyone wanted to hear about the first astronauts that explored the cosmos. We’re exploring our consciousness and this is something that touches everyone. Did everyone who followed the stories of astronauts plan to venture out into space? Not necessarily but people were moved by these stories that sparked their imaginations. Plant medicine stories do this and so much more. Many of us learn a great deal about ourselves from these unique experiences. Are we discussing experiences with drugs? Absolutely not. When we hear the word ‘drugs’ most of us think of something harmful and addictive. When I hear the word ‘drugs’ I think of the pharmaceuticals that I was dependent upon for years and I remember how hard it was for me to get them out of my life. I think of how plant medicines inspired me to do that and helped so many others to improve their lives in profound ways. These are not stories about drugs – they are stories about us – about humanity. They are stories about accessing a higher form of consciousness that gives us perspective, inspires wonder and helps many of us address issues such as depression, addiction, PTSD & anxiety by helping us to heal the emotional wounds underlying these issues that affect so many of us today. Join us for a very different conversation that may be among the most memorable discussions you will ever hear. Wednesdays @ 3pm EST/EDT http://www.radioregent.com/player.html

Previous shows:

My first show with co-host Michael Cassidy: https://www.mixcloud.com/Rebecca_Hayden/ayahuasca-talks-radio-show-episode-1-intro-with-host-rebecca-hayden-guest-host-michael-cassidy/

My interview with Dr. Rachel Harris: https://www.mixcloud.com/Rebecca_Hayden/ayahuasca-talks-june-7-interview-with-psychologist-dr-rachel-harris/

For more shows please visit: https://www.mixcloud.com/Rebecca_Hayden/

 

 

 

Ayahuasca Wisdom: Responding to the Rising Conflict in the World

It’s been a long time since I’ve seriously pondered issues of conflict beyond my own personal ones. I used to be an activist/documentary film maker and I was admittedly a rabid activist – always angry and ranting about something. In fact, I was in such an unhealthy state that ultimately I had to walk away from these endeavours to find a way to address my depression. It was the best thing I could have done and it has changed my life for the better in every way. It was at this point in my life that I discovered shamanism and plant medicines. Once I began to focus on healing, I carefully chose what media I was exposed to and although I had always been very selective in this regard, I became even more so and the effect was a very calming one. It allowed me to keep my attention where it needed to be.

I have been engaging in shamanism for some time now and working with various medicines and doing the most important work of all: integrating these experiences. In other words, I have been taking the lessons I’ve learned through this medicine and shamanic work and applying them to my life. In doing so, I have improved my health, my relationships and my outlook on life. This integration work continues and it will continue for the rest of my life. It has become a way of life for me. And now, I find myself in a community of people who like me, are working towards a better world. All of us do this in our own unique ways. Within this community it has not been possible to avoid the kinds of conversations that arise from the events that have been prominent in the news media lately. I skillfully (although not always successfully) avoided conversations about Trump but now, I find it increasingly difficult to refrain from involving myself in conversations about the attacks arising from Islamophobia. I have come to fully appreciate what it means to ‘be the change’ and yet in the face of these disturbing issues being discussed all around me, I found myself conflicted and felt the familiar disturbing feelings rising inside me. Although they are not anywhere near my old feelings of rage, I still found it difficult to sort through what I felt and so I asked for guidance.

I have been very fortunate to receive a great deal of guidance from an incredible source of wisdom and recently, Ayahuasca asked me to ‘put pencil to paper’. I have done so and not only received answers to my questions but I began to engage in writing some very unique material that doesn’t in any way resemble my style of writing. It’s familiar to me however, from my experiences with plant medicines, Ayahuasca in particular. It was Ayahuasca who used this technique to reply to my dilemma about how to respond to this disturbing feeling I had about the conflict that seems to be ever encroaching these days. Here’s what came out when I did as I was asked and put pencil to paper:

The beast within you knows that outer beast. They are friends. They work together to stage battles that we attend. If we were to change the rules and no longer allow these beasts an arena in which to hold these battles, the audience would leave and the show would be over. No more spectacle to engage in.

Our beast, the beast within us, answers the battle call always in the name of peace. If we vanquish the beast within, we will have fought our last battle. When you hear the call to battle, seek out the beast within that responds. This beast needs your love and attention. It’s the only way to end the battles.

These battle cries and responses are symptoms of a deeper problem that we’re not addressing. We never will address the deeper problem if we allow these battles to continue. We have proven this time and again.